8/20 - Just another day

I couldn't think of a good heading today for some reason.
I woke up this morning quite a few times due to some extremely weird dreams so I am exhausted at work. Last night was probably one of my worst nights for being tired and was hoping for a restful evening but I found myself dozing off constantly. I made a quick dinner and then took a bath hoping to loosen the muscles before I laid down to watch some tv. I would rather get 4 hours of constant sleep than the broken sleep of no more than an hour or 2 at a time. Either way I have to get through regular life, functioning completely or not. The new dosage to 20mg may have not been the best choice for me so I will be asking Dr. Weinghart about getting back to the 10mg so I can take that in the morning and maybe the 20mg at night. Either way I am finding my pain is definitely lessening and I am more at a 4/5 now instead of the 9/10 I had been at.
A friend at work informed me there were issues surrounding the Lyrica I am taking and may be pulled from shelves. Doing some research, I did find that it is linked to suicide and suicidal thoughts, which I definitely had. A lot of my symptoms are going away or are more mild now that I am getting used to them. I am nowhere near as sad and depressed as I was for the first couple of weeks.
My hip is finally relaxing a little and it doesn't hurt like it did before. I feel a mild pinch in the front right where the crease is when I sit .. kinda the top of my lap on that side. I have tried a few stretches but they hurt. The right hip is starting to ease a little as well on the nerve pain and it looks like the Lyrica has it's good and bad days. Thank goodness I am finally having a good day. Even my back feels a little better and not hurting like it was. Now if we could get the stupid kidney stones to behave !

Back to school

The boys went back to school today so it was a very busy morning. I have been running since 5:30AM and I can already tell this is going to be a long day.
Dr. Sorenson's office called from the Urology clinic and said that when doing my panels my PTH Hormone level came back high and they would like to retest and do a 24 hour urine collection. Yipppeee (obvious sarcasm lol). This normally indicates Hyperparathyroidism.

"When symptoms do appear, they are often mild and nonspecific, such as a feeling of weakness and fatigue, depression, or aches and pains. With more severe disease, a person may have a loss of appetite, nausea, vomiting, constipation, confusion or impaired thinking and memory, and increased thirst and urination. Patients may have thinning of the bones without symptoms, but with risk of fractures. Increased calcium and phosphorous excretion in the urine may cause kidney stones."

This really had me thinking. This all started with a hairline fracture to my hip. Ever since then I have been falling apart. I looked back through the blog and did have ummm issues with my "passing waste", impaired thinking and definitely depression and of course kidney stones. The nurse told me they will schedule a retest after I have done a 24 hour urine collection, which should take place this weekend after I get my kit in the mail. I have yet to even retest for my liver enzymes. I am so excited .. yea =/.
My father has Grave's disease and I would have never once thought this would be something I would worry about, and of course may still have no reason to worry. I don't think I fit the symptoms of Grave's other than a few generic ones that fall into lots of things.

I have to say though that we are moving in the right direction to finally find out what is going on with my body. It's kinda funny how this started out as a blog about my hip surgery and it has become so much more ! The treatment for the hyperparathyrodism seems easy enough and could possibly eliminate most of these side effects I am experiencing. I have really learned alot during this process and feel this education has been invaluable.

Rave Weekend !

The weekend was quite interesting to say the least. I attended my first Rave with my beautiful 16 year old daughter. It was also her first so it was nice to have that experience together. Dancing for 5 hours on my new improved hip wasn't too bad. I was a little sore after a while but most of it was my back and my right hip. We sat often to rest outside because it got so hot. I think I was the oldest one there ! I opted to not take meds so I could relax and have a beer. It actually went well and I didn't feel sick at all during the night. The drive home was rough though !
I spent yesterday recovering and had a pretty bad headache, but I am not really sure where that came from. I am figuring the missed doses on my meds. Once I took them I slept until 2:00PM. He brought the boys home at 3:00 so I got some good rest time in. Just spent the rest of the day shopping for the kids for school, laundry and groceries.
Today I will be going to the Urology Clinic of Colorado to address my kidney stones and hopefully get a little relief from the pain. So far I think I have dealt pretty well with it but it is making me so tired. I want at least one night with no pain !!!!
My next hip followup is August 28th and he can take a look at the incision spot. It looks rough again and it's still hard along the outside.

Back to the Urologist

Back to the Urology Center I go for my kidney stones. I spoke with the RA from Dr. Weingharts office and I have stones in both kidneys. I think I may just try and pass them on my own. He has ordered more of the Oxycontin so I will be at 20mg twice a day until they pass. Really the only thing I have to be able to get through is the pain.
Largest on the right - 4mm
Largest on the left - 5mm
Largest within pelvis - 6mm (still in the kidney)
She said that they can only visually see 10-12 on the scan and they only reported the largest size ones on the radiology report. The passing of the 6mm scares me a little since those over 4mm can be hard on your own.
Gee I guess I can see where my pain is coming from now.

I did not need this right now ! At a time when mentally I am drained I can't face going through the blasting to get them out. I of course will see the doctor for my initial appointment but will definitely push to see how much of this I can handle on my own.
The pain in my hip is worse today and the muscles are so tight it feels like I am carrying a boulder in my thigh. This too can be fixed with a bath soak and icy hot, so that's the plan for tonight.

I don't even want to discuss the depression today ....

Kidney Stone Pics

Here are some pics I was able to get from the kidney stone CT they did the other night. Kidney Stones appear as bright white spots on a scan and then are measured. I have no idea how large mine are. This first pic I think shows the one that has been giving me the bad backaches lately. I am not too sure about the one photo that is kinda dark, but I do like the front shot.

Side Effects

So I am finding the side effects of the medications are pretty extreme and basically ruining my life. I am tired, nauseated 24/7 and I have been emotionally a wreck, bordering on suicidal. I called the doctor today to see what the heck they are doing to me. If it was even helping with the pain I might accept the side effects more willingly, but man am I a bitch to be around ! The nerve pain is definitely dulled and it appears the Lyrica is working but that's about it. I am normally a very even tempered loving person to be around but lately I have isolated myself just to make sure no one sees this side of me. I cry at nothing, I feel constant feelings of despair and sadness and I want to just curl up in a ball and make the world go away. Then the next day I feel fine, like nothing is going on at all! Sad sad sad. This is not me and I want to be my happy confident self again. The hardest part is trying to hide it from everyone else because I don't want them to see me this way.

As for my hip, I have started to feel some dull aching deep down. I have been pretty easy on it but it's beginning to feel sore to walk on. My hamstring is tight again and I can't sit for long periods of time without getting stiff. I am also feeling a tingle in my left butt cheek and pain in the same place it was before the surgery, thinking it may be referred pain from my back. Of course having these stupid kidney stones isn't helping. I haven't been able to afford to get to the pool lately with school starting so I am thinking it may be the change in my activity level on it. Reading other accounts though this seems like the magic time where people feel increased pain and I am hoping it is part of the healing process. If anyone is more familiar with this time frame I would appreciate some information.

Blah ...

That's how I am feeling today, pretty blah. I am tired of the daily headaches which I assume is from the medication. It's amazing some of the side effects you get from stuff that should make you feel better.
I had my CT last night and there are 4 obvious stones on there but we will wait for the report to come back and see what they say. I already know the diagnosis but I don't want to see how they plan to deal with the kidney stones. I do have the scan at home so I will post some pictures tomorrow. I think at this point if I can stand it I will just wait for them to pass and cope with the pain. I have a feeling I will have to stop drinking soda completely, something I will wait for them to tell me because right now I don't want to quit !
It's pretty interesting that during this whole thing my hip just keeps chugging along. I don't even notice it anymore, almost an absent feeling that I just had major surgery 6 weeks ago. Now if my body would follow suit I would be extremely happy. Of course my right hip is still giving me some major issues but if it heals like this left one did it will be fantastic. I am sure once everyone is on the same page my treatment will prove beneficial and I could be pain free within say .. a year. I am being realistic here with time frames. I do understand some of these issues are for life and I try not to think about it. It's hard to accept the fact of being in pain for the rest of my life.

Mentally I am doing good today. The depression seems to be gone, just a tiny bit of a sad feeling hanging on. I have decided to take a 6 month break from everything and everyone. Maybe in that time I can really find someone special who wants only me and that I can spoil rotten without worrying if they are wanting to be with someone else. I want so badly to believe love really does exist and that I can build a great life with the right guy. I think some quiet time to pull myself back together is needed at this point in my life until the meds even out. With the kids starting school in a week and being busy at work, it will help keep me focused on healing not only my body but my soul. Wow that sounded corny, but that's how I feel. So here's hoping for a good day.

Good morning !

So here we are, another Monday. The weekend was full of fun and quiet. I didn't do anything yesterday afternoon but update my blog and watch movies. Man on Fire is one of my favorites and it was on yesterday ! There were no kids in the house for a few hours so I took advantage of it.

I feel pretty decent today. My mood is finally stable and I feel happy, like genuinely happy inside. Emotions are so weird like that, and then one day you just have one of those moments where everything finally makes sense. I still am hurting but it's funny how much easier it is to deal with the pain when I am not depressed. I still have a low grade fever so I am hoping after my CT scan today they will finally find out where it's coming from. My incision site looks good too. There is still that weird lump and some redness but I believe Dr. Erickson when he says it was probably some scar tissue. My right hip, along the rim, hurts pretty bad today. When I step down it pinches and I find myself grabbing that spot with my hand out of impulse. I can't rub it either without completely irritating it. I am sure something would show up on the CT or my right hip arthrogram (when that gets scheduled). I guess we will see soon.
So I feel like I am back on track for my recovery mentally, and that's half the battle !

I just realized looking back that I have been writing on this blog for 3 months now ! Holy cow how did that happen ?

100.5

I just woke up again to a low grade fever of 100.5. When it's 90+ outside it makes for a miserable day. I am seriously not feeling well today and plan to just go right back to bed. My back aches to the point of not wanting to even move, my right hip is sore and tight and the infection on my left thigh isn't improving. Fighting the urge to cry yet again.
The pain meds don't seem to be working at all but I also don't know if 1 week is really long enough to judge. The moods are going away and I feel a lot more "normal" in my thoughts which is the best thing that can happen. That part feels like it's working, but the pain stays pretty constant. I still can't sleep on either hip so I am exhausted.
I took the girls to the mall yesterday and then to a movie, which was extremely tiring. My back couldn't handle walking that far, but I sucked it up and finished the day. GI Joe was hot and worth watching, even though it was uncomfortable. When I got home I grabbed some icy hot and an ice pack and went to sleep. I don't think it even took 30 seconds to fall asleep.
If there is one positive thing is that my mind is more calm now. I am coming to terms with everything taking place in the last few weeks and dealing with it. Yes I cry, but it's a productive cry and I always seem to think more clearly. So glad I can recognize myself again.

And the winner is .... Infection !

I saw Dr. Erickson yesterday and he does think it's an infection. His reasoning was a little strange but I accepted it. He said it may be a small piece of scar tissue that broke loose or a small nic of gauze from the instruments got caught in there. All in all he didn't seen very concerned at all so I will leave it at that. Because it is on the back of my leg I won't be able to really track the way it looks other than pictures so I will keep an eye on it. It is still extremely sore today though and I have a fever.
I also got a call from Dr. Weingharts office today about my ultrasound results. The gallbladder does have stones but nothing that is obstructing, so we are back to square one with the high liver enzymes. They are extremely concerned about my kidney again so another CT has been scheduled for Monday at 5:45. I am not sure how this happened considering they said everything was fixed when I had the surgery back in February so of course I am extremely worried and scared about this. I can't do another surgery, especially my kidney. I swear I can still feel the pain of the renal colic from last time. The worst pain I have ever felt, as a possibility to happen yet again, HELL NO I will not do it.
There is only so much more I can take before I say enough. All these scans and probes, the bloodwork, the surgeries .... I honestly just can't do this any more. If I could quit I would. My mind and body are tired and just done with it all.

Yesterday was the first time since I started working here that I actually went home and cried. Not just a little cry, a full out sob fest. I am completely overwhelmed at work carrying the work of 4 people, I am overwhelmed physically being in the pain I am in and overwhelmed by sadness and loneliness mentally. I miss the idea of having someone there to support me and to help me through this all, someone other than the internet in it's infinite wisdom.

Pics of my incision .. infected or not ?

This is the bugger giving me problems. It's a little sore today that's for sure.

Ultrasound done

So I went to my imaging appointment and watched as she put the slimy stuff all over my belly and looked around. There were stones in my gallbladder but nothing obstructing the neck. My liver was enlarged and my kidney was as well. You can see the stones in my kidneys still too and it was hurting after she starting putting pressure on it. The tech said I should hear something by Friday so we will see which one is causing my liver enzymes to sky-rocket.
I am also seeing little changes in my incision site. It's still pretty irritated and there is an odd lump under the skin that feels long and skinny, not round. It's pretty pink and warm. I will try to post some pictures for advice but plan to call Dr. Erickson tomorrow if it doesn't look better.
I woke up with a low grade fever for the 12th day in a row. The meds they have me on aren't really doing anything but making me sleepy, scary sleepy. I am finding it harder to drive now that I started on the Lyrica because I feel that drowsy feeling. The Lyrica has definitely started to address the nerve damage and it doesn't hurt at the level it did before, but I hate the price I have to pay mentally to feel just a small amount better.
I am sure by now I have alienated a few people. I am trying to avoid absolutely everyone until my moods are under control. Lyrica does have an anti-depressent in it but I haven't been on it long enough yet I think to make a difference. I feel so lonely and like I have been abandoned by everyone to deal with this alone, which I am coming to terms with. It has to get better.

Hmmm

Thought I would add that one of my incision sites has started to get red. There is a very hard area under it and off to the left. It doesn't feel warm but it's got a real pink look to it and is making the area really sore. If it doesn't look better in a couple of days I am going to call Dr. Erickson.

5 Weeks Post-op

Had my appointment yesterday for my 3rd post-op followup. The appointment lasted maybe 5 minutes and he said I don't need to come back for a month now. He said my scars look excellent and they are even starting to turn white. They made a joke that I am now their poster child for Hip Arthroscopy. So I am assuming things have gone well from their perspective too. The only thing he told me was that I probably need to take things a little easier and not to hop, jump, skip ... etc. I agree with him and since I have been having other issues that I will certainly slow down a little so I don't hurt myself.
This afternoon is my gallbladder ultrasound and I am hoping they find that it is causing my pain. Dr. Erickson even said that it may be referred pain from that in my back, so having things taken care of may help with the pain. If it isn't I am curious what next. They need to make sure my enzymes are not climbing and to find out why they came out that way in my bloodwork.
My last results came back and as I expected I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. I will be referred to a Rheumatologist. That's the last thing on my mind right now due to all the pain. My depression is getting worse by the day but I refuse to take anything for it. The meds are enough with what I am taking and I honestly have no idea internally what they are doing to me. So for now I will deal with the depression the best I can and work through it.
If all this wasn't enough my little man Nathan cut his hand last night while I was at work. I ran home to find he gashed along the inner part of his hand right under the ring finger and pinky. He had to get 14 stitches and a tetnus shot. My poor guy is so brave and he didn't even cry !
Today starts my weeks of covering both the helpdesk and the systems groups for both daily and oncall duties. Talk about stress !

Humpty Dumpty

Can you believe it's been 5 weeks already ! It feels like longer to me and I don't think the last few weeks that I even felt like the surgery happened. Every now and then I feel a twinge of pain but it's usually gone as quickly as it came.

I saw Dr. Weinghart yesterday and had a low grade fever when I went in. He is guessing it may be Gallstones or Gallbladder disease (infection) that is causing my pain and the other symptoms and has ordered a sonogram (ultrasound) of my gallbladder. It really does fit with everything going on. The one thing I didn't like coming out of his mouth is that if it is in fact my gallbladder that I will have to have yet another surgery ... and soon. With my enzymes being high, the low grade fever now for 10 days and the pain in exactly the right spot, I am guessing he might be right. I couldn't schedule it until tomorrow because I have my post-op with Dr. Erickson this afternoon and I need to be able to schedule these without missing any time at work.

I am definitely feeling anxiety about all of this. I fix one thing and 10 more go wrong. Mentally I am done. I have dismissed the fact that at 37 I am a mess and shouldn't be going through any of this. Why now of all times ? The depression is setting in full force. I have 3 people going on vacation next week and have to be able to pick up their work along with my own, work I have no business really doing. If that wasn't enough stress the kids are starting school in 2 weeks and I haven't even started to prepare. All 3 are in different schools and I haven't even thought about registration and transportation yet. Brandon starts high school (Freshman), Nate is starting Middle School (6th Grade) and Heather is back to charter high school (omg a Junior this year). I am hoping since Bryan graduated and is having difficulties finding a job that I can lean on him a little bit until I am feeling better.
These things are so hard to keep up with when your feeling ill. The Lyrica and Oxycontin combo has made me very irrational and irritable. My moods are definitely all over the place and I, for the first time, have started to feel crazy. I don't have control right now and that's something I am not used to at all. I am feeling relief since starting the Lyrica so that's a positive thing. If I can get relief from some of this pain, I can deal with the moods and the weird crazy woman thoughts (hopefully people around me can!).

I am looking at this as a temporary state of mind and I can soon enough take control back once they have put me back together. So today I am Humpty Dumpty and I have people trying to put me back together again.

Morning !

So, I spoke to soon. I woke up with a fever again this morning and the most unbearable pain in my right side. There is also some cramping at the top of my belly again , which I am really beginning to question if it is really a backup or something else is going on. Considering I am taking Oxycontin and started back up on the Gabapentin, I should not be at this level of pain. Even with those in me I am sitting at an 8 for pain right now.
My hip hurts to put weight on it, my right muscles hurt so badly that they pull even when I sit. The pain is traveling through the bottom of my back and up the right side to my shoulder area. I rubbed it some last night but it hurt extremely bad and I felt the pain for hours afterwards. I am also having problems sleeping on both sides. The operated hip is sore and I have a new bruise that showed up halfway down my thigh. I must have hit it on something. The right side is absolutely horrible to lay on, so for now I am laying flat on my back. As you know that hurts me too but it's the best of the options.
I am slightly depressed today but I am guessing it's the pain again. It's taking over my life and I am miserable. I want to be out with my boys having fun and enjoying the last couple of weeks before school starts. I am not a religious person, but I am praying for some relief or someone who can find out what's wrong with me. I am not myself anymore and I miss me !

Fever Finally Broke !

This was the first morning in a week I actually woke up without a low grade fever. I am stiff in every joint in my body but it beats the last week of pain. It looks like the Oxycontin is helping a little bit and I am thinking I probably needed a little bit to get used to it, even if it is a small dosage. The doctor also prescribed the Lyrica but the insurance company would not pay for it without an authorization, which they will try and get tomorrow. From what the pharmacy tells me they would rather I go back to the Gabapentin because it is a generic. This one is a $136 co-pay so I can see why. I don't care if I have to go back to the generic, I am perfectly fine with it.
I cleaned my house top to bottom and even got on the kitchen floor and scrubbed the tile. By the time I was finished my back hurt so bad ! It was my own fault but it really needed to be done. There is only so much a Swiffer can do ! Well I am off to be lazy and maybe soak in a nice bath for a bit. Heck I might even shave my legs.

Another Week Gone

So it's officially been a month since my surgery took place. It's so hard to believe.
Last night I was faced with a fever of 102.7 and can't figure out where the heck it's coming from and why it's worse at night. It wasn't too bad this morning but I do still have it. The pain was almost unbearable last night and it actually had me crying because to be quite honest I didn't know what else to do ! I was so tired when I got home from work that I threw the salmon in the oven and went straight to my bed to lay down. Thankfully Bryan paid attention and helped out, even with the pasta.

As I was writing this the doctor called and said that the one result they got back that was elevated was my liver enzymes, which are at 379. She stated normal should be between 3 and 50 (called it my GGT level).

"When a blockage or inflammation of the bile ducts occurs, the GGT and AP can overflow like a backed up sewer and seep out of the liver and into the bloodstream. These enzymes typically become markedly elevated—approximately ten times the upper limit of normal.

GGT is found predominantly in the liver. AP is mainly found in the bones and the liver but can also be found in many other organs, such as the intestines, kidneys, and placenta. Therefore, elevated levels of AP will indicate that something is wrong with the liver only if the amount of GGT is raised as well. Keep in mind that, GGT can be elevated without AP being elevated, as GGT is a sensitive marker of alcohol ingestion and certain hepatotoxic (liver toxic) drugs. It should be noted that for unclear reasons, people who smoke cigarettes appear to have higher AP and GGT than nonsmokers. Also, levels of AP and GGT are most accurate after a twelve-hour fast. You are beginning to get an inkling of the complexities that arise when evaluating abnormal LFTs!

Normal levels of AP range from 35 to 115 IU/L and normal levels of GGT range from 3 to 60 IU/L. Some causes of elevated AP and/or GGT include the following:"

• Primary biliary cirrhosis

• Primary sclerosing cholangitis

• Nonalcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD)

• Alcoholic liver disease

• Liver tumors

• Drug-induced liver disease

• Gallstones

I did ask her if this may be causing the fever and other symptoms but she couldn't answer me. She basically just told me to stop drinking alcohol and to have them retested in 3-4 weeks. Considering I only drink maybe once every 3-4 months I can't see how this could possibly be related to that. Time to go do some research.

Sleeeepy

I woke up so tired today. Still have a slight fever of 99.8 and I ache everywhere. It was unseasonably cold today and the rain is still coming down. I think a little bit of my stiffness is due to the weather. My back ache is horrible and my right hip at the pelvic brim hurts even when I am breathing. I haven't heard from the doctors office yet on my bloodwork results so I figure probably tomorrow morning.
The Oxycontin has made me so sleepy today too. I am supposed to be taking one time release every 12 hours and right now it does appear to take a slight edge off of the back pain. Of course I am sitting here sleepy and find myself kinda dozing off a little here and there when it gets quiet. I really hope this isn't how it is going to be. I need to be sharp when I am working or bad things happen ! I need to be able to get outside too and stretch a little bit, play with the boys and walk the dogs. Right now I have no motivation to do any of those things.

Can't sleep

Well after visiting the doctor today I am even more anxious than I was before. After looking me over and walking in with a fever he is testing me for Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus. It may also be an indication of ANV - Necrosis in my hip. He did a full set of bloodwork to make sure it's not something as simple as an infection but he said with my symptoms and how long I have had them that he is pretty concerned, after all I do already have arthritis. The pain level is at a 9 now most days so he also prescribed Oxycontin (only 10mg dose) and I have a standby for Lyrica if I find that isn't enough relief.
I am sitting here in tears tonight. I am so sick of this. I don't want to be in pain anymore or to suffer the way I have been. I keep telling myself that it isn't fair. There hasn't been a day yet that I haven't asked why it has to be me, why I can't just have a normal full life. Instead I am faced with pain every single day and there is never any escape from it. The sadness and anxiety have finally won and I am losing that will to remain positive, too much emotionally for any one person to have to deal with.
I am going to try and sleep again, but the leg cramps are keeping me up. If anyone can muster up some good thoughts, please send them my way.

Sick ... again

I woke up feeling awful again this morning. My head hurts for some reason and has for the last 3 days. My back hurts so badly I can't stand it and my right hip is burning. I hate feeling like this. My temp is right at 100 so nothing really major but I am starting to worry a little considering the last time I had a fever I had an infection starting from the facet injections. I think I may just need to reset and sleep a little, but today I am seeing Dr. Weinghart and can ask him what may be going on.
My left hip soreness is gone and my butt doesn't hurt anymore. I need to stretch a little today but not feeling really motivated to do anything. I will try and get myself going, but man I just want to rest ! My hands have just started to get a warm numb feeling in them so it looks like a migraine may be hitting soon. Time for some Maxalt !

Brrrrrr .........

It's so hard to believe it has been 27 days since my surgery. Time is flying !
The weather is changing here and it's starting to cool off and it's been raining. I haven't felt well the last couple of days due to a headache that just won't go away. I am still a little sore in my backside but I don't think I can pinpoint exactly what is causing it other than my *ahem* activities from the weekend (and last night). I have picked up my physical activity and working on extending my range of motion. Either way it is very tolerable and nothing a couple of tylenol haven't been able to help with. I may switch to Motrin for an anti-inflammatory until it goes away. The soreness at my incision site is almost gone too.
I can now lift my leg completely off the bed and bring my knee right to my chest without even so much as a small pull. I have been extremely paranoid thinking that they cut some nerve somewhere so I don't feel pain, silly I know but this has gone so well so far.
I am seeing Dr. Weinghart tomorrow to address my rehabilitation, he has been my general doctor since this all began. I am hoping to work on a good pain management program for my bad hip, something I am reluctant to even talk about since the surgery. The pain is getting seriously bad along with my back, but I don't want it to cloud any reports of my operated hip on here because I want people to know that to this point the surgery has drastically improved my life .. even if it's only been half of my problem.

Quick weekend !

Wow that weekend was too quick ! I spent some time with my daughter on Saturday looking at new cars and finding something with a gentler suspension for my body. Sorento's certainly do not have very much give for the back and hips. I found some nice vehicles and haven't set on anything right now due to the massive carry I have. The Jeep Commander is definitely topping the list.

I had Saturday night to myself with no children at home. Had a nice date out for dinner and then we relaxed at home, which was so nice. This is going to get a tad personal so if you don't want to know you may want to stop here ! If it appears to offend anyone I will just remove the post.
So now for the personal part, not sure anyone even talks about this post-op. The new hip changes made a huge difference. I was extremely nervous about even trying anything intimate yet. Nothing really hurt but a muscle knot at one of the incision sites. The support on the knee is pretty important so the leg doesn't get pushed down too far. There was more pressure put on the right hip but it did ok. Thankfully he was well aware and was gentle with me.
So 3 weeks post-op my life is definitely moving back into a normal direction and not feeling the locking and catching of both of my hips. My back is extremely tight today but I have been stretching and walking around the office at least once an hour. The knot is gone but I do feel a slight soreness in my butt, kinda like after you run too much and wake up sore the next morning. It was a really good weekend and I feel pretty refreshed.

Defeated !

So again today I am feeling that defeated feeling I felt a few months ago. I went in to Dr. Oeser only to be told they tried to call me to reschedule my appointment ... again. Odd thing is I have nothing from them, not even a voicemail. So this time they want to make it 3 weeks out, which irks me considering I waited 2 weeks for this one. So since my Facet injections and my hip surgery I have seen the PT .... wait for it ..... 0 times ! No medication refills, no stretches to get through the pain better, no follow-up to make sure everything went ok with my injections and there are no adverse reactions, absolutely nothing.
So what to do next ? I am calling Dr. Law's office yet again since they referred me and see if they can't find me a new PT that isn't this neglectful. It just amazes me with the extent of what has happened to my body that they aren't more concerned with my rehabilitation. What if something was going wrong or that I had swelling in my back .. etc. No one would ever know ! It's an extremely scary thought for me right now considering the level of pain I have been at the last couple of weeks.
Thought I would add though that if it weren't for the internet and common sense I couldn't have started doing the rehab myself !

Looking forward to PT

I am seeing Dr. Oeser today and I am pretty anxious. My operated hip feels fabulous but my right hip and back are getting out of control. I am at a loss as to what to do. The soaks aren't helping anymore and the nerve pain is getting bad again. I wanted to walk last night for my hip but then my back prevented me from going anywhere so I just watched some TV on my bed. I have gotten really good at texting though during this whole thing.
I did some light stretches last night and I am now able to lay flat on my back and lift my leg almost all the way up off the bed. When I first had the surgery I couldn't lift my leg off the bed at all. Shows me that the muscles are getting stronger and I am healing. I laid down with an ice pack on my hip and back for a bit last night but it wasn't much relief.
I will update again tomorrow reporting what the PT is suggesting.

Hit 3 weeks post-op !

So it's been 3 weeks now and I am feeling really good. I overdid it a little last night in the pool by trying some new ranges of motion and I am paying for it today. It's not horrible but I am reminded when I step down by a small pull in my groin. It feels very deep though and not something surface related to the muscles. I know it will be fine once I stay off it a little .. and wearing heels wasn't one of my best choices today. The hottub felt really good and walking in the river felt ever better when I alternate them. I slept like a rock last night ! I couldn't even make it through a movie cuddled up with my little man.
I am seeing Dr. Oeser tomorrow for my back to see what we can do to help my pain. I feel like the injections have been wearing off and I am hoping they don't try to push some narcotics on me again. I have been doing really well without them to this point, the Darvocet doesn't seem too bad before bed but I definitely can't take it during work hours.

20 Days Down

So it's been a whole 20 days since my surgery. It feels like a lot longer that's for sure. My recovery continues to go really well. We took both dogs for a walk last night and I even broke out into a light jog. I am making sure to not make any sudden changes in direction so the hip remains moving one way and I don't hurt myself. I did some light stretching before we started so I didn't feel like I was carrying rocks in my legs. The bad hip is sore today and it hurts in the butt again, but it's tolerable and nothing tylenol didn't help with. The incision sites are calming down and healing really nice. The scars look like little butterflies. The bruising is almost gone too. Tonight will be swimming night and I can soak a little bit in the hottub, those nights feel so good. I am so happy that I went through with this surgery.

Emotionally I was able to finally let go. So I cried a little and came to terms with everything in my mind and my heart. The wall I spent so long building up, only to let it down, is starting to rebuild and it will be a long while before I ever let anyone close to me like that again. I have so many other positive things in my life to look forward to and appreciate right now. So tons of healing going on inside and out and I know I am going to be ok now that I got over the mourning period and the loss. All feels right with the world right now.

Feeling good

Well I am closing in on my 3rd post-op week and I feel extremely good physically. I have very minimal tightness now and I am learning ways to stretch those muscles that get tight. I am now going to focus on losing a few pounds and try to start eating the way I did before this process started and once again try and hit 130 pounds. I got all the right foods last night and I am feeling motivated. I will still be taking the Bioflex and viatmins to keep my recovery moving forward.
Mentally I am not doing so hot due to my emotions being all over the place. I have been feeling lonely and really miss having that support, but at the same time I know deep down I am going to have to work on getting better.

So tired ..

Today was a long day. I went to the pool and soaked for a bit and the walking felt great. After about an hour we took off and went to a local carnival. Right about then I started to notice horrible pain in my groin area that had me almost in tears. This was on the right side and my left hip remains to show any signs at all of pain. My Gluteus Minimus is so sore it's not even funny and I am feeling a constant pull down the inside of my leg. I had to do some laundry tonight and my legs ached terribly, may be due to not enough water. It's been pretty warm and I feel tired from that alone since we don't have central air. My back was slightly sore but of course that is due to my arthritis, nothing some Darvocet can't fix so I can sleep though. I hate these drugs so much. I can not wait to get my right hip fixed now.

I also went to an open house and found the perfect home ! After speaking with the mortgage broker it looks like I may be able to get into it too with the new home buyers tax incentive from the stimulus. There is a ton more room and everything has been remodeled. I am looking to run numbers Monday :).

Pictures

I was a little weary about posting pictures because my body is bad enough as it is, but since the people visiting are so supportive I honestly don't care anymore. The scars are pretty minimal and considering I am only 2 weeks out I think it looks great myself. I am using vitamin E on the scars to hopefully lessen their appearance but you can see that one in the front that was giving me a hard time. There is one other missing but no one needs to see my "brighter side". My legs look huge there ! Maybe in a couple of months I will post an after shot to see what they look like. Either way the hip feels fantastic, I will take scars anyday.

2 weeks post-op

It's been just over 2 weeks now since the surgery and I couldn't be happier with the results. Today for lunch I walked up to Target and my left hip is almost completely pain free. My leg muscles still have a few tight spots and my incision sites are sore but I do understand this will take time to heal. I am completely off pain meds as well right now until I see my PT for my back.If my right hip turns out like this I would bet that I could be pain free within a year. There is nothing like that in the world.
My friends at work can tell a huge difference in me now too. My mood is changing daily and I am not wearing the pain on my face constantly. My right hip still hurts immensely but without the left making it worse I am coping better. They are planning a get me stinking drunk night, which I am welcoming with open arms. I am even doing better mentally. I thought the depression from things with Rob would start to get me down but to be quite honest they have motivated me. I am a good woman, a good mother, a good provider and a good friend. I want to continue to be those things even though things didn't work out with him. Maybe having him come in to my life had a greater purpose, and that was to show me that I will be ok, that I can rise above anything in my life and learn from it and improve it. Today is rated at a 9 !

Back to work ... again

So I am back to work now 2 weeks post-op. I saw Dr. Erickson yesterday and he was impressed with how quickly I am recovering. I have been out with the kids the last 2 nights playing softball and football and walking around the lake. It feels really good to exercise but my back and right hip are starting to really get sore. He did ask me to stay off it a little due to having a bad reaction to the stitches they left in. They started a small infection but they are out now and my body just needs to heal itself. I have been doing more and more the better I feel. I cleaned the house top to bottom because it felt like I had been slacking for so long trying to stay off the hips. I need to get on top of the house and fix the swamp cooler next ! Taking a nice soak in the tub was great using the bath therapy stuff I got a couple of months ago.
I am feeling extremely depressed over the latest situation and hope this doesn't seriously affect my recovery. I am trying very hard to focus completely on getting better and hope the rest just gets better in time. I miss having him around that's for sure.

2 in one day !

Wow, 2 updates in one day. It was pretty late last night.
Today I woke up a little tight in the hamstring but nothing a short walk couldn't work out. My back is seriously becoming a problem and I hope with some good physical therapy I can figure out how to cope with everything all at once. Having the Facet Joint Arthritis along with favoring a hip and still having one with issues I find myself extremely sore by the end of the day. There have been some bad muscle spasms too but hopefully within a few months I will be as close to normal as I can be considering. I also can't wait to get these last stitches out Tuesday !

No limp !

For the first time today I was able to walk without a limp ! I have been going to the pool and soaking it which has certainly helped with the tightness. I have been taking some walks and there is really only a small amount of pain, that of course I can deal with. I am having to take a new approach to my recovery and hopefully it proves to be productive. I also wanted to thank Katie for stopping by and reading. This isn't an easy thing to deal with but once it has started moving forward the progress is huge.

8 days post-op

This week has been interesting to say the least. I saw the doctor on Tuesday to have my stitches out and bled all over the place lol. One set wasn't even close to ready to come out and got caught on the tape. Needless to say those are the only ones left in. The others stung a little when coming out but it felt good to have that diaper dressing off ! I got to watch the video of the surgery and Dr. Erickson came in for a few to chat. He actually said openly that this was the closest he has ever been to giving up during a surgery. The amount of scar tissue they removed was insane and it ended up they had to shave down 3 bone spurs. It looked like scooping ice cream to me .. but who am I. The scar tissue kinda looked like a chicken breast with the white stuff hanging off. He had to move to the front of the hip which starts getting into really difficult territory. I asked for my own copy and may try to post some streams here. It was an extremely long surgery so it is definitely too big to put anywhere. It's cool to watch since there is no blood and it feels like your under water.
So as for pain, I hurt. I have been to the pool the last few days since he said it was ok for me to even with the last stitches in. The water feels really good and even a soak in the hottub was nice. I may be pushing a little too far and that's why I have the level of pain that I do. My back is killing me and the hip is stiff to move. The joint moves so much smoother now and I can feel it when I walk though and I don't have a huge limp. It doesn't help that I am sitting in a chair working all day, but I keep reminding myself to get up and move. I am taking maybe 3 Darvocet's a day when I need to push a little and get moving. As long as I take them far enough apart I feel some relief. I am thinking of actually getting out of the house for my breaks and weeding the garden .... I am so excited to be getting my life back.
Appt. with doctor Oeser on July 23rd at 4:30 for Facet issues !

5 days post-op

Today was my first day back to work and all I can say is wow. Having to stand in the shower, do my hair and make-up and get dressed was pretty challenging. My butt is really sore on both cheeks and there is a slight pull in the groin area on my left side. The stitches are itching pretty good too. My back aches a ton and I just assume that is from being on crutches and favoring my hip. I have been able to walk a little on it today and add a little weight. I hate moving so slow though when trying to get around. The crutches hurt like hell after a while !
I am still not driving so Rob brought me in today. I will be giving it a go tonight after he picks up his car. I am sure I am ready considering I can sit here in a chair for a few hours and not really be bothered. I feel some prickly stabs I think from the stitches but if I just put a little pressure on the bandage it stops. I am taking just the Tramadol now since my right hip is hurting really bad. To this point it hasn't been too bad. I am sure I will be pretty tired tonight when I get home and will crash !

3 days post-op

I was finally feeling well enough to make it down the stairs to the computer so I could update everyone.
Surgery went 2 hours longer than scheduled on Wednesday so it started off a little bumpy. Dr. Erickson said I had the worst hip he has ever seen and he didn't anticipate the size of the bone spur and the extra ones. I can't imagine what it will be like when he gets to my bad one ! The Clear Creek Surgery Center was fantastic and they took excellent care of me. I left close to 11:00 to come home and the surgery was scheduled at 7:30. It was pretty quick in my mind since I passed out and woke up in the same minute. I spent all of Wednesday in bed with ice and pain pills. The pain wasn't too intense but once the local started to wear off I felt it. Yesterday was better, I was moving around the house a little but felt a ton of pain in my butt. There is a waterproof dressing on so I ventured into the shower. By the time I was done my body was tired and I spent a lot of time back in bed. The ice is awesome and really relieves a lot of the throbbing. Last night we took a drive which I probably shouldn't have done. The pain pills wore off and we got stuck in a DUI checkpoint, my entire left side was hurting. Once I got home and took some vicodin I eventually drifted off to sleep and the pain subsided a little.
This morning I am feeling actually really good. I hurt of course but now I have a nagging itch under the dressing that I can only assume is from the stitches. It burns a little too and my butt is still majorly sore. With this being a holiday weekend we will be staying close to home and firing up the BBQ. Rob is getting stuff for fireworks and Heather will be here today to help me through the weekend (even being grounded from being out past curfew last night). All in all it has been a really good experience so far and the pain is something I can cope with. Now it's time to get the hip joint working like normal again and prepare for the next one.

Final Countdown

So here I am, one day until surgery. I am feeling pretty numb considering. I have my pre-op with Dr. Erikson today and I will find out what time I am going in. I picked up my crutches yesterday and changed out the hand and arm pads since these are rentals. Even just messing around on them for a few minutes made me sore so I have to try and figure out how to use them without hurting my arms at the same time. They require you to be there 90 minutes before surgery so I need to find something to keep me busy ! I am thinking maybe some Brain Age on the DS if I can pry one away from the boys.
My back is sore today and both hips are extremely tight. We took the boys to the park last night and I think the long walk probably did it to me. My right hip is getting worse every day and I am now wishing we did that one first. It was the whole reason I went to the doctor to begin with. I am now realizing as well that the Gabapentin worked great for the nerve pinching feeling I was having along my pelvic rim. That pain is so attention grabbing.
Rob helped get the room ready by running cable for me and getting a fan for in front of my air conditioner. He put the big TV in my room too. I am still trying to find silk sheets and got the jammies yesterday. Being able to slide in and out of bed is going to be invaluable.
I feel like there is so much to do but I think I am ready. Tonight I will be doing the last of the laundry, I got the groceries done and the house is clean. I probably will not be able to update the blog for a few days while I am recovering but I will definitely keep everyone updated and hopefully share something valuable from it. Not a great way to spend the 4th !

Slackage !

Wow have I been a slacker this last week ! I did a ton of stuff this last weekend for Heather's basketball and tried to catch up on a little needed rest. I ended up with a horrible migraine on Friday and stayed at the ER for 8 hours while they tried to knock it out. I swear the headache is still hanging with me. The doc said it may be due to stress and I am reacting to it now since the surgery is only 2 days away. My pre-op is tomorrow at 3:00 and I picked up my crutches last night. It is so hard to believe this is actually going to happen !

The verdict

After reviewing my films and the CT Dr. Erikson will be fixing my hip next Wednesday, July 1st. I have a labral tear which will not be reattached, but removed and the bone will be shaved down to prevent any more impingement. There was only a small sign of arthritis in my left hip. I am pretty excited since he said I would only be missing one week of work and judging on how my recovery goes we could do the other hip within a month. I was concerned more about my time off but it looks like Jim is more than willing to help me out with that and make sure I can get through this as quickly as possible and get back to a normal schedule at work.
Rob sat through the scan last night, which took a whole 3 minutes to complete. The results were amazing and it was pretty much the coolest thing I have ever seen. They combine the 600+ pictures into a 3D model and rotate it to get a full view of the pelvis ..... just amazing to see what medicine can do.

Home again

Wow what an extremely long week since I last updated ! The camp went great for the girls and they did extremely well. They seated in first place but lost the championship by 1 point. They were crushed but they were so proud of how well they did by only losing 1 game over the 4 days in their division.
So ..... the drive, excruciating. We only stopped a couple of times because of how late it was getting and it was too dark to trust the girls through the mountains to drive. The beds were even worse. We stayed at the Adams State College in the dorms and those beds were like sleeping on bricks. One of the girls needed my extra blankets and pillow so I gave them to her and used a small sleeping bag. I paid for that every single day I was there. Both hips and my back were so sore I could barely walk. One of the other coaches even gave me a vicodin so I could sleep Thursday night. The drive home was even worse but I did manage to sleep 13 hours in my own bed Sunday morning. My emotions have evened out since I stopped taking the Gabapentin as well.
Tonight is my 3D CT and my follow-up with Dr. Erikson is in the morning to talk about what's next.
Rob and I are working things out too and we are trying to figure out what we keep doing wrong ! He is going to try and drive me tonight if he gets off work early enough.

A good day

I think I am finally going to have a good pain day ! I woke up a little tight again this morning with a dull ache in the back, same spot as yesterday but the pinching I felt is gone. I feel a little flush but doing pretty good and no limp for the second day in a row. I am down to one Tramadol for relief now instead of 2. I am really concerned about the drive I am making tonight for Heather's basketball camp. 5 hours sitting stationary is most likely going to hurt me so I may try to stop frequently so I don't cramp up and pay for it tomorrow. All 4 of the girls I am taking drive so if it gets too bad I will just let them drive some of it for me.
I am overwhelmingly sad today too. Rob and I are splitting and I am devastated. I won't discuss here why, but the timing could not have been any worse or the circumstances. Just when my body starts to feel better my heart got crushed. I am not sure how this will play in my recovery but I am determined to get through everything and be a better woman for it.

Surgical candidate

I just got a call from Madeline again and she told me I in fact have a large labral tear and Dr. Phillipon has decided I am a surgical candidate .... well no shit lady !
I politely told her I have a new doctor and figured after not hearing from her for the last 3 weeks that they had no intention on seeing me. She just said ok, that she will send me my films back and hung up. That actually felt realllllly good.

It's Monday again

Definitely the least favorite of the days of the week !
I feel pretty decent today with the exception of some tightness in my lower buttock area on both sides. There is a small pinch on the left side but I can't really tell where it is coming from. The nausea is a 2 and I am happy not to be on the verge of tossing cookies, even though lately there are no cookies to toss. I took my temperature last night and I was back up 100 which concerned me a little since I was feeling flush but decided to go to bed instead of calling the doc. I was down to 99.3 this morning which is a good sign. Physically though I am exhausted. My body is weak and tired feeling but for once in a long ass time I am not limping !
I put in 6 hours at work yesterday trying to make up some time for all my doctors appointments. I try and make them as early as possible but even the 7:45 appointments have me rolling in to work around 10. I keep looking at the light at the end of the tunnel though and know eventually my life will be normal again. I am definitely learning to get a lot more done on the days I run late for fear of not being employed !
As a side note, Madeline left me a message this morning from Dr. Phillipon's office but I have no desire to call her back ... you know, afford them the same courtesy they showed me for the last 2 months.

The horror !

Friday right after I got back from my Arthrogram on my hip I got a call from my PT, Dr. Oeser. My white blood count was at 32000 and she sent me directly to the ER fearing I had an infection or an abscess from the injection. I had been feeling extremely ill and the pain was horrible. I had so many blood tests that I look like a crack whore on holiday, the tracks running both arms. By Friday night my count was back down to 11000 with some antibiotics and I suffered through 3 MRI's in one day. At least for this one I got 2 doses of Valium !
I am feeling so so today, I am really tired and my back is tight, but I am definitely better today than I have been. I do feel nauseated but I have stopped taking the meds and cleaning my system out with the exception of the Tramadol for pain.

Ooowieeee

So, went in yesterday for the Facet Joint Injections and can't even describe the pain I felt. The needle hitting my bones and going through the muscle was horrible, and the pain I feel today is almost torturous. I had a low grade fever when I went to the doc this morning for my hips and my blood pressure was up. That totally has to be from the pain. I have started crying twice already today just from the pain (x-ray done).
I also saw Dr. Erikson this morning for my hips. He took some x-rays and it was the frog kick position which was excruciating ! He only took my left hip for now since it appears to be in the worst shape. I have an MRA scheduled for tomorrow and a 3D CT scan for the 22nd (cool huh!). He moves like lightening and he could hear the catching and popping as clear as day. He said he can definitely do the surgery arthroscopically and is rushing to get it done due to the quick degeneration I am experiencing. The pain meds just don't cut it anymore. They had every single thing scheduled and authorized in one morning. Makes me wonder why other offices can't seem to do this .. maybe patient volume ? He wanted the new scans so he can see right down to the last detail what he needs to fix. He wants to do my left hip first and then do the right hip 4 weeks after. This would give me a much shorter recovery than the open hip. I believe this man was sent to me to ease my pain finally.
Rob and Heather came to drive me home from the surgery center and that man took care of me like no one else ever has before, even picking up my meds from the pharmacy. He wasn't lying when he said he was there for the long haul and I love him more for it.

I'm gonna cry !

After all the frustration with trying to get in to Dr. Phillipon, I called Dr. Laws office and asked them if they could send me to a different doctor. They gave me the name of one more doc even closer to me, Dr. Jon Erickson. So I called his office and explained what my diagnosis was and everything going on with Dr. Phillipon. I spoke to Kathy and she couldn't have been a more pleasant lady to chat with.
So, needless to say .... they are seeing me Thursday morning at 8:30 !!!!!!!!!!
I felt like crying and kicking myself at the same time for not calling the office sooner to request a new doctor. I do have to go and get copies of all my films again but it will be worth it. I will be at the surgery center in the morning for my injections anyway so it's a one stop place to get everything I need done. Wow, I can not describe the feeling of relief I have right now.

Hi !

So ... not a bad weekend. Heather and I went to Water World and I got the sunburn from hell. I ached a little when we started and the water felt good, but by the end of the day I had no range of motion and could barely walk on my left hip. That was bad enough but then some jackass stole my shoes !!! I had to go the rest of the day without my flip-flops ($2 from WalMart!) and go through the parking lot. Heather gave me hers so I could drive home.
We had 40+ layoffs Friday so my stress level is extremely high and I feel very sad for those let go. I am scared for my own job and for obvious reasons, losing my own benefits to be taken care of.
I have my Facet Injections in 2 days and I am anxious to see if it helps at all. I am nervous but Rob will be there with me and is driving me home. I guess they sedate you a little bit, enough not to care what's going on.
I have yet to hear from Dr. Phillipon's office and quite honestly can't feel anymore neglected or unimportant than I do to them as I do now. I have attempted to find another doctor and have even asked them to refer me to someone who actually cares and will call me back. This of course was all on voicemail since no one ever answers the phone there. It has now been 5 weeks since my initial call to them and I am no farther than I was then. I am sick of the pain, I am sick of trying to get them to respond to me and most of all I just feel like giving up.

Big Surprise

Well one more day "til the end of the week" and I didn't hear from them. I highly doubt they will have the courtesy to even call me tomorrow. I am ready to ask for a different doctor to be referred to.
The pain is absolutely horrible in my right hip and hurts all along the top of my pelvis, a new spot for me to hurt at. There is absolutely no relief at all. My arm does feel slightly better and doesn't hurt like it has the first part of the week so hopefully what ever I did to it is healing. My left butt cheek hurt for a bit while walking but I haven't been very mobile today. I have been trying to stay pretty still and use my heating pad as much as possible.
I am anxious to get home and see my puppy. Missing him was definitely depressing me and I didn't need another thing on top of it. Rob had lunch with me today too so it's been a good day all around. My mood has changed to be more positive and hopefully watching Heather play bball tonight and win would be a bonus.

He's home !!

OMG Dakota is home. Brandon was walking to his friends house and walked right up on him. Finally some positive news this week !

"By the end of the week"

I swear if I hear that one more time. Madeline called me today and actually said "I should be getting back to you by the end of the week". Well, it's Wednesday, not really much time left in the week now is there ? So in Dr. world it translates to ha ha, we will call you next Tuesday and you'll like it. She actually used the Memorial Day holiday as an excuse ! They have had my films since the 28th. I did make sure to let her know that the pain isn't fixing itself and it's getting much worse. So, what the heck, we will just wait another month !
Dakota is still missing and I haven't been able to locate him at the pound. My emotions are so screwed up right now. I miss my dog terribly, I am in so much pain it's unbearable and I am constantly distracted. I am so tired too but pretty sure it is the medication, which of course is doing nothing to help the bulk of my pain.
The kids and I will be headed to the pool tonight and I am hitting the hot tub for my shoulder and back pain, let's see if it works. I might even get frisky and walk in the lazy river, yay me !

Rain rain go away ..

What a dreary day outside. It's in the 50's again today and it's still drizzling. On a pain scale I about a 5 today which isn't too bad. My poor puppy Dakota went missing yesterday and I overdid things by walking for hours looking for him. Emotionally I am a wreck and the weather sure isn't helping. Both hips hurt a little at the bottom of the cheeks and my arm continues to hurt and is now sore to my elbow. I didn't sleep well at all either so it's been a rough day.
I called Dr. Phillipon's office yet again and left a voicemail for Madeline. This is getting seriously irritating now. It's been over a month and I still have yet to even get a single question answered by that clinic. I don't understand how they could expect someone to deal with the level of pain I have without a single thought for their well being. I understand they are busy and I have tried very hard to be patient but the waiting like this is a joke and detrimental to me mentally.

Rob met with me for lunch today so that definitely helped me. He is staying with me tonight to help me get the shopping and stuff done. I am stopping at the animal shelter again on the way home and praying my baby puppy is there. I have this feeling deep down that he is fine, kinda like I get with my kids. Man I can't take much more.

Lost

Not a bad weekend pain-wise but the hip is certainly sore this morning. It's weird that my arm started hurting Friday night and has yet to provide any relief. The pain level when it's bad is around a 9 and shoots pain from my shoulder to my elbow. It's a deep pain and feels like someone is stabbing me down the middle of the bone. I swear if one more spot hurts!
I pulled back a little on the Tramadol as well, I was having some pretty significant breathing issues during the weekend. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't catch a good deep breath and I know that's a side effect, I must have had my dosage schedule off or something. I do feel much better today and am only taking 2 doses a day until I talk to the PT.
No word yet from Dr. Phillipon's office but it's no big surprise at all. I figure I may hear something by the end of the week if I am lucky. I may try and call them around Wednesday.

I Love Friday's !

I had hoped to hear something back from Dr. Phillipon's office since they have had my x-rays for 2 days, but no such luck. I can't say I am surprised at all since they have been horrible about this whole thing. I am sick of being patient. The new non-narcotic pain med makes me sleepier than the percocet ever did so I am adjusting still to that.
I had emailed my mom yesterday and asked her about our family history to see if this was inherited and there is no doubt now it definitely is. This is what my mom wrote ...
"Hi Kid:
Almost everyone in your family has osteo arthritis. Your Grandmother has it in her spine, I have it in my neck, back, elbows,hands, and knees, and your Grandfather has it in his back. Your Aunt Laurie has rheumatoid arthritis, which travels around. Both Grandma Ruth and Grandma Margaret, as well as your Great-Grandma Jennie all had it in various joints, too. "

Sadly it looks like I was going to have it regardless of what I did.
I do get to see Rob tonight. We are ordering pizza and grabbing a movie to cuddle up with the boys. Those are the nights that keep me going.

Numb

So I have just come back from Dr. Oeser's office and unfortunately they didn't give me the news I was hoping for. I was told I have Lumbar Facet Joint Arthritis in L4, L5 and S1.
There really isn't much in the way of treatment but they have scheduled me for a Facet Injection on June 10th, still 2 more weeks of pain. I will admit I am devastated. The PA I spoke to (PA Terry) was absolutely fantastic. She explained everything in detail and even broke out the spinal model to show me exactly where the problem is and where they will be doing the injections. I'm not really scared, I am more disappointed that we can't just focus on my hips for now and deal with the source of probably 80% of my pain. We are doing a pain management plan as well and I am taking 50-100mg of Tramadol every 4-6 hours and Percocet at night so I can sleep. She also said to stop any physical activity unless it's walking in a pool to alleviate some of the swelling they are seeing now. This also most likely explains the horrible pain I have been feeling in my butt cheeks.
My CT and x-rays are scheduled to be delivered at noon today to Dr. Phillipon's office so I am not expecting them to read them any time soon. She did tell me I wouldn't have to wait 2 weeks for anyone to view them. I am seriously hoping for one little glimmer of hope by having the arthroscopic surgery done by him and not a full replacement here in Denver. He is supposed to be the top in his field for arthroscopic hip surgery and if anyone is reading this please pray that he can do it this way and I am not forced to see yet another surgeon closer to home.

As for my mental state, I am numb. I don't want to do this anymore, but of course have no choice if I want relief from this horrible pain I feel everyday. I have come to the realization that arthritis is taking over my body at an very rapid pace and I will be forced to deal with it my entire life. The thought of being crippled or having to depend on walking devices to get around scares me. I guess fear is a good word to describe my state of mind right now. I know I am a strong woman and can deal with pain quite well but I feel weaker then I ever have in my entire life. I am putting my life in the hands of complete strangers and I am so scared and most of all tired. My mind is so tired and I feel helpless. This is such a new emotion for me and I will need time to figure it out. Rob has been my rock and such a needed support system, he has dealt with this so well and I am sure having a girlfriend going through this has to be hard for him. How did I get so lucky with such a good man ? I am feeling more like a burden right now than his partner but the love we have for each other is deep and is what is keeping me going every day.
Rob C. ... if you are reading this today, you are my best friend, my like-minded brain partner ( I know .. odd lol). Thank you for being there for me over the last few years. Not sure how I could have coped. The "Rob's" in my life sure have delivered.

And it continues ....

This may be a little long so bear with me.
I have basically had my phone attached to my hand for the last 3 weeks hoping to hear from Dr. Phillipon's office. I put it on my desk to go get water this morning and guess what shows up on my missed calls ! So I called Madeline back and left a voice mail, which she returned the call pretty quick.
The verdict ... "Dr. Phillipon isn't sure he can help you". At that moment my heart sank. She then told me that before he could make a final decision he wanted a copy of just a plain x-ray. I had one done by doctor Weinghart in February so I ran to my doc and grabbed a copy. I also stopped at North Suburban on the way to grab a copy of my CT in March just in case. My lunch break was blown to hell ! I went to the UPS store again and shipped it overnight, nice $20.10 for something you would think they can just request since they are a medical facility. Running around town to get those is really on the top of my "Fun shit to do when I should be working" list. I know if he can't do this arthroscopically that I am facing much more than I anticipated.

I have so many emotions right now. I feel defeated by the medical system. I feel anxiety, doubt, fear and most of all sadness that I don't have something to label this pain I am going through with. It hurts to walk. It hurts to sit. It hurts to be intimate with the man I want to be with. It hurts to lay down to sleep .... IT HURTS. I feel like they just don't get it. I want my life back so badly. I am willing to try anything to get it back, but if no one will listen how will they ever know or grasp this pain I am feeling both physically and emotionally. If you had asked me 7 months ago if I would go through this process because I started running again, I would have stopped right then and there. It's funny that I dealt with the occasional issues I had with my hips for over 10 years, and in one single night my entire life stopped.

So now I wait ... again. I am waiting for one man to decide if he can give me my life back. He has absolutely no idea how important he is to me.

:(

Quick update .. no call yet again from Dr. Phillipon's office.

Feels like Monday

So after the long weekend I am wiped. I woke up with horrible pain in my kidney area yesterday and it seems 10x worse today. Looks like one of those 5 remaining kidney stones decided it wanted to move now. I was tempted to take a vicodin this morning but opted for Icy Hot and my heating pad (big surprise). I wanted to make sure it wasn't just a muscle issue before hitting the narcotics.
As for my hips, I am ready for some relief. My left hip is incredibly sore right in the center of my butt cheek and it hurts so bad to walk. The right is a constant now so I have learned to walk lightly with a limp and minimize the weight I put on it. People have commented that they know when I am hurting, may be the constant look of something wedged tightly up my ass that gives me away.
The 300mg dosage seems to be the right one for me. My skin cleared this weekend and I started using a new organic shampoo and conditioner that I picked up at a salon. I think my body is really adjusting to the meds and the nerve issues barely even pull any of my attention anymore. I wish I could say the same the same for the backache, but coping with one thing at a time. I see Dr. Oeser Thursday to discuss my lumbar MRI and see if we can finally do the pain management through epidural.
I am really hoping to hear from Dr. Phillipon's office today, but I am certainly not going to hold my breath !

My head hurts

I am awake early because Heather's friend Maddie is coming out this morning and I am making sure everything is set for our picnic. I feel hung over and have the worst headache ! I did overdo things yesterday by hitting a Farmer's Market and doing some shopping at the mall with Heather, what we women do to see if there is a good deal out there on the holiday.
I am supposed to be moving to the 300mg of the Gabapentin today but I am still unsure if I am really ready to do that. It has taken the edge off the pain I used to have along the pelvic rim but the backache is nothing to laugh about. My skin continues to make me look like a sweaty crack whore and that's the last thing I want !
Off to get the house in order.

Grrrrr ......

Just updating that yet again Dr. Phillipon's office has not contacted me like they promised. Should be a nice 3 day weekend wondering what the heck is going on. I am so discouraged right now. Today marked 3 weeks since I had first contacted his office. Oh well.

I survived ... again

Yay ! I made it through the entire scan due to a nice dosage of Valium (ended up taking 2). I went in head first this time so I started crying just a little until I got to the end and could see out the window behind my head. They also didn't strap me down to the table and I felt like I had more control. I don't remember much and figured I fell asleep at some point. I have my films but no clue what any of it means so I will just hang on to them until the office calls me.
Still no word from Dr. Phillipon and they said by the end of this week I would know something, I am really hoping by the end of today. If not it's another long 3 day weekend of wondering. I am feeling decent today but my right hip is hurting when I bear weight. It's fine as long as I have the heating pad on and I don't move quickly. The Gabapentin is killing the skin I worked so hard on and the acne has taken over my shoulders .. such an odd place. My hair looks dull and lifeless too but I am willing to ride this out until we decide it's not right for me.
I am off to have lunch with Rob today and that definitely makes me feel better emotionally.

Tired !

Today I am exhausted but the pain is really at it's minimum. I have been pretty busy at work so not much time to really think about the pain. I am going to try and get my electrolytes up and see if that's the cause for my leg aches. The doctors office has been pathetic at returning calls so I am counting on the know-all Google !
I am having my MRI today. They tried to reschedule again saying there was no authorization still and I was pretty down and thinking I would just rather deal with the pain than all this bullshit with doctors and insurance. So here I sit scared to death and starring at my Valium intently just waiting for the right time to roll around so I can drive. I really want to be able to make it through this one without totally losing my mind. The anxiety is definitely there and I am scared to death to be put back in that machine. It's been on my mind all week and I feel sick all the time, I even freak out thinking about it.
So, off I go to be traumatized by the big white noisy monster ! Wish me luck and send me calming thoughts.

Finally !

Finally a call back from his office !!!!
I was given the excuse that he has been traveling the last few weeks to conferences and that's why my films have yet to be reviewed. The guy I spoke with, Sean, assures me that I will hear something by the end of this week or the beginning of next week.

Long weekend

Well Friday I chaperoned Brandon's trip to Elitches and suffered badly for it. It was hot and I got sunburned, my legs ached so badly I just sat on a bench for an hour at a time, but I got to spend that day with Brandon and his 8th grade class.
The new meds seem to be helping quite a bit but now I am dealing with the aches and weird side effects. I call it my fire mustache cause I feel it all under my nose along my top lip. I also feel a warmth in the back of my throat and tingling in my left arm. I moved up to the 200mg this morning and feel drunk for a little bit after I take it but it seems to only help a little. I find my moods are awful and I swing like a 60's couple, just a lot more random lol. There is a lot more nausea now, more than I had with the vicodin. The "poo" issue is becoming painful and I am close to taking drastic measures for a little relief. It's waking me in the middle of the night and the cramps are so painful. I made the mistake of having beer with my dosage Friday night and paid for it all night with vomiting and nausea, I was even shaking uncontrollably. That will NOT happen again.
I called Dr. Phillipon's office and left another voicemail letting them know of the anxiety and no type of verification they actually received my MRI results. They have rescheduled my MRI for my back to Thursday afternoon due to yet another verification issue with Humana.
I find myself wanting to cry all the time now ... I am so over all of this.

Feeling almost normal

First off let me say I am so excited about the new physical therapist I am seeing. Her name is Dr. Oeser and I could not be happier with the choice. She took the time to listen to me and her prescribing the Gabapentin is already showing progress in my pain management. I took the first dose last night and man did it knock me on my ass. I woke up at about 4:30AM and did my second dose since I was going back to bed anyway. So here I am on my 3rd dose and I can walk pretty comfortable without an obvious limp. This dose isn't making me sleepy yet so I hope that was just my body reacting to the first one last night (or I was realllly tired !). I have a terrible back ache today and the heating pad is helping quite a bit. I am curious what the MRI will show next week and if it is all related.
I called Dr. Phillipon's office and left a voicemail letting the nurse know I was feeling some anxiety about not hearing from them and just wanted some assurance that they did in fact recieve my films and they were being reviewed. I feel impatient but they should at least give some sort of acknowledgement that they recieve things like that.
I just had lunch with Rob and I definitely notice a huge change in my mood. I felt relieved from the pain and was genuinely happy. I love being with him regardless but today has been different than the last few weeks because I wasn't distracted by my pain. Life is good.

I'll take the center square for the block !

Uggggg ! I went in for the nerve block and she wouldn't do it. I am off for another MRI but this time they want to do the lumbar spine area. She believes the source of my pain may be a disk and not so much .. you know the hip issue ! No news from Dr. Phillipon yet but I guess it doesn't matter since I left my phone at home today. I am starting a new medication called Gabapentin to take the edge off the pain hopefully. They also gave me valium for the next MRI since finding the last one was terrifying due to claustrophobia. I am so sick of doctors.

Week 2

Well the weekend was pretty good. I wasn't in too bad of shape and relaxed a little. Heather and I messed around all weekend just hanging out and enjoying ourselves. My right hip of course still hurts bad and I am due for the nerve block on Wednesday. I am a little nervous to see what is going to happen when they start digging around by my spinal cord to alleviate the pinching of the nerves. I still haven't heard back from Dr. Phillipon's office and I show the UPS delivery on 5/4 .... gotta be soon. The waiting is killing me !
Things are going great with Rob and he offers any comfort he can for the pain and he does very well at it. We spent some time together over the weekend but it never seems enough.

TGIF !

I am so happy it's Friday. Other than a complete disaster at work, the day has been ok. It has made me focus on something other than pain and I am extremely driven today to get this done so I don't spend the night doing this.
I am feeling really tight in the right hip and the butt cheek aches again but the vicodin has been working really well as opposed to the percocet. I don't feel nearly as sleepy and it seems to take a slight edge off. I took one after lunch and don't even really feel fuzzy. I am not sure why my left hip decided to hurt yesterday but it certainly has relaxed a little today. The only thing bugging me more than the hip is my kidney area, like a muscle pull.
Heather is coming tonight and hopefully we will relax a little and go have dinner with my honey. Rob came by again last night and rubbed my legs because they were hurting so badly. It helps a lot to have him right beside me taking care of me that's for sure. So, here's hoping for a less painful weekend and lots of love from all around.

It's only Thursday ....

Well, I woke up this morning feeling decent but soon found out my body was tricking me. So instead of one side hurting as normal my left hip decided it wanted to join in the fun. This is the first day I have felt pain bearing weight on both hips, let alone my left one. Both ass cheeks hurt and I want to dig in a rub them both without looking like some depraved sicko pervert at work. I am aching completely down both legs and I feel overwhelmingly nauseated for some reason.
The feeling of sadness that I felt yesterday is pretty much gone and I can't explain why it was so horrible yesterday, but that's one thing I am most grateful for. I guess the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness at the same time is starting to seriously affect my mental state.

Nate had an accident yesterday afternoon and broke the growth plate in his wrist. The timing couldn't have been better considering I had to drop the kids from my insurance so I could afford the better plan to get treatment for my FAI. If I didn't have enough stress already I sure do now. Hopefully his individual plan kicks in tomorrow and I will be able to cover his cast and x-rays for the next 6 weeks.

Rob and I are on speaking terms again and decided we seriously need to find better ways to communicate. The tension I felt from this whole ordeal with him did not help me at all and considering how low I felt I really thought we would end it there. Love can be so strange.

Right after lunch the worse sense of panic set in. I am still researching every single day and keep finding that even one of my symptoms is a cause for huge concern, and here I have 6 or 7. It appears the terms I didn't understand indicate OA (arthritis) of the worst kind. At 37 I should not be dealing with this ! I watched a few videos so I can start getting questions ready for Dr. Phillipon and got completely freaked out by how crude it is. I am so scared.

5/6

So, restless night yet again. Both legs are throbbing almost constantly and I feel ill. The burning feeling along my right pelvic brim is back and is so annoying. I find myself extremely cranky this morning but it hasn't affected my mood towards anyone else yet today. I am also starting to realize I am doing this entire thing alone. No friends, no support and really no one who understands or really cares what I go through on a daily basis. I don't expect anyone to be involved or to show any concern, after all this is MY issue and no one elses. I guess it has just been going on so long it has become the norm.
I took some Diclofenac hoping it will take the edge off today but stuck a percocet in my pocket just in case. Normally those are off limits for work but I am finding towards the end of the day that it's difficult to sit and then get around. It's funny how much my right butt cheek hurts too, I can't rub it all day because someone may call HR and say I am playing with myself. It's my heating pad to the rescue again.
I am also feeling overwhelming sadness today, definitely depressed. The stress and uncertainty is playing with my mind and I am having a difficult time getting out of the funk I am in. Maybe after I know what is going to happen, with a solid time frame, I will be better. Things went bad with Rob during a conversation last night and I am sure that isn't helping my mental state at all. The day has to get better.

Rough Day ...

So I woke up this morning and could barely put weight on my right hip. It feels like the nerves are becoming more damaged every day. My jeans hurt, my shoes hurt .... my legs hurt to my knees. The pain is really distracting and will be going home early yet again today. I am starting to fall behind at work because I need to get up and move around so much. The heating pad is my best friend !
Last night Bryan made dinner for the family and saved me having to stand in the kitchen for an hour. Such a great kid ! Rob stopped by and laid on the couch with me rubbing my back because it ached and I fell asleep twice on him due to the percocet. If I wasn't so in love with this man it may have insulted him, but he's very loving and supportive and understands I am not myself right now.
Gonna go home and soak in this bath stuff I got for aches and take a percocet .... hoping for a quiet night !

The beginning

My diagnosis was given to me last Thursday, April 29th. Dr. Law told me to make an appointment with a specialist in Vail, Dr. Marc Philippon. He currently practices at the Steadman Hawkins Clinic and is a leader in this field. I called that afternoon, left a voice mail with the receptionist to hopefully get a consult appointment made. I didn't hear anything by Friday afternoon and made another attempt at contacting them .. nothing. One more call this morning and left yet another voice mail and starting to lose confidence that I can get this taken care of. Right before lunch they called. The lady on the other end of the phone was pleasant and very apologetic and seemed genuinely concerned. ( her name is, Madeline). After a series of questions regarding my current condition she instructed me to mail my MRI films and report to them for further evaluation. As I am sure anyone would, I ran to UPS and sent them overnight. It will be 1-2 weeks before I am told if I am a good surgical candidate, but I know if I see this doctor he will be able to provide me with stellar care. Now the waiting begins.