Numb

So I have just come back from Dr. Oeser's office and unfortunately they didn't give me the news I was hoping for. I was told I have Lumbar Facet Joint Arthritis in L4, L5 and S1.
There really isn't much in the way of treatment but they have scheduled me for a Facet Injection on June 10th, still 2 more weeks of pain. I will admit I am devastated. The PA I spoke to (PA Terry) was absolutely fantastic. She explained everything in detail and even broke out the spinal model to show me exactly where the problem is and where they will be doing the injections. I'm not really scared, I am more disappointed that we can't just focus on my hips for now and deal with the source of probably 80% of my pain. We are doing a pain management plan as well and I am taking 50-100mg of Tramadol every 4-6 hours and Percocet at night so I can sleep. She also said to stop any physical activity unless it's walking in a pool to alleviate some of the swelling they are seeing now. This also most likely explains the horrible pain I have been feeling in my butt cheeks.
My CT and x-rays are scheduled to be delivered at noon today to Dr. Phillipon's office so I am not expecting them to read them any time soon. She did tell me I wouldn't have to wait 2 weeks for anyone to view them. I am seriously hoping for one little glimmer of hope by having the arthroscopic surgery done by him and not a full replacement here in Denver. He is supposed to be the top in his field for arthroscopic hip surgery and if anyone is reading this please pray that he can do it this way and I am not forced to see yet another surgeon closer to home.

As for my mental state, I am numb. I don't want to do this anymore, but of course have no choice if I want relief from this horrible pain I feel everyday. I have come to the realization that arthritis is taking over my body at an very rapid pace and I will be forced to deal with it my entire life. The thought of being crippled or having to depend on walking devices to get around scares me. I guess fear is a good word to describe my state of mind right now. I know I am a strong woman and can deal with pain quite well but I feel weaker then I ever have in my entire life. I am putting my life in the hands of complete strangers and I am so scared and most of all tired. My mind is so tired and I feel helpless. This is such a new emotion for me and I will need time to figure it out. Rob has been my rock and such a needed support system, he has dealt with this so well and I am sure having a girlfriend going through this has to be hard for him. How did I get so lucky with such a good man ? I am feeling more like a burden right now than his partner but the love we have for each other is deep and is what is keeping me going every day.
Rob C. ... if you are reading this today, you are my best friend, my like-minded brain partner ( I know .. odd lol). Thank you for being there for me over the last few years. Not sure how I could have coped. The "Rob's" in my life sure have delivered.