Just another Monday ...

I have decided that I am taking a break from the blog. I wanted to get in here an update sooner but to be honest there are just some people I don"t want knowing how I am or what I am going through. Since my surgery I have been through hell and back but finally feel able to stand on my own 2 feet and carry on with my life ... that is until the next one. Maybe at that time I will revist the site and start an entirely new one.
It has been probably the longest and most trying year I have ever had. Between my kidney, my spinal arthritis, my hip and the quite possibly worst relationship I have ever been in, I know I have another rough year ahead if I make the decision to go through it. Looking at the parathyroid, the remaining kidney stones and then my other hip I just know that I need another approach. I love thinking clearly and now feeling like myself again. I can deal with pain. So I definitely will take a break for the next few months and see where I can go with this.

Who knows what lies ahead. I do know though that I am going back to focusing on myself and the kids. I only want good things in my life right now, not things that make me look back with regret or sadness. My confidence level is back and I like that I don't feel mentally weak anymore. Now that all the bad things have passed I can move ahead. It's a new year so time to make some new changes. Thanks to anyone that still read after all this time and showed genuine concern for me. I don't think I would have been the same without this site.

Howdy .....

So here it is .. a new year. Hopefully 2010 is much more productive that 2009.
I am finally getting over the sickness that has been kicking my ass lately but think I have a lingering sinus infection. Now that I have insurance it looks like it's time to find a new doctor.
My hip has been hurting a little more the last couple of weeks though. It's sore to move in certain directions and I believe it is due to my change in physical activity. I have lost 13 pounds so far and my pants finally fit like they should ! I wish I could say it was voluntary but I am still struggling physically from changes in my life.
My immune system hates me and is shot too ! I have been sick pretty much since I started my new job. I have been taking a ton of vitamin C and making sure to stay hydrated. I can only be so patient though before I start to get seriously irritated.

Removed this part of the blog for really badddddd judgement. Lesson learned the hard way !

Day 19 !

I didn't realize how long it had been since my last update.
The days are flying by and I can say without a doubt that I feel almost 100% better than I did a few weeks ago.
Aside from some stiffness in my joints in the morning, I am no longer feeling the intense pain I used to feel in the hip and butt. The moods swings are gone, the irritability, the irrational thoughts and mostly just the feeling of sadness have disappeared. Holy hell I feel like myself again ! It's hard to believe that it's been almost a year since my initial injury. Man what a long ass year !
I have no words really to describe how grateful I am to feel so good right now. I thought for the longest time that I was destined to leave a painfully sad life with nothing but that looming feeling over my head all the time, but all in all the patience to get through this process was well worth it.
I have more friends and family around me now than ever and it feels wonderful. Having my sister around has helped me tremendously, if for anything but moral support.
My insurance comes active on Jan. 1st and it will be time to start looking forward again and getting my right hip done. I want to take some down time though and maybe wait a good part of the year before committing. Even though my left hip feels absolutely fantastic I am worried I will be in the same position I found myself in this with this last surgery. Of course with my kidney healed and my liver enzymes going back up, it could just be a matter of time before I can truly estimate my recovery period. I have been avoiding the parathyroid issue too.

So with a new year coming up on us fast I wanted to reflect on the last year. The pain, sadness and chaos have come down to the end of the year and are ready to be leaving with it. I am looking forward to living a full life again in 2010 and I will do it, I don't have a single doubt in my mind.

Day 11

It is so hard to believe it has been 11 days now since my last dosage of medications.
I wish I could report it was a good weekend but that creepy feeling came back in my legs both Saturday and Sunday nights. I also experienced the chills something fierce. I thought by now I would be getting past the rough stuff but it appears I may have to be a little more patient.
Christmas is right around the corner and I have done absolutely nothing. It doesn't feel like it this time of year, no snow. My heart just isn't in it right now, but knowing I have yet to buy a single thing for my kids is weighing heavily on me. I am emotionally fragile right now, wondering why after almost 40 years I am alone aside from the kids. Am I really missing anything ?
I do feel sad today, heck I have felt sad for the last week thinking this feeling will never go away. The bills, the kids, the drive, a new job, Christmas .... it's like a waterfall of shit. The pressure can be so much on bad days.
There has to come a time in my life where it all comes back together. It has done nothing but fall apart since my diagnosis last April, so it's high time to get it figured out. It is time to stop hanging on hoping for a different result, that is after all the definition of insanity right ?
I must also add that I have finally sat down and got to the next chapter of my book, something I have been meaning to get to for almost a year now ! Something productive to keep my mind off of this odd road of life I am travelling. Would have been nice if someone posted a detour sign.

Day 8 ....

What a difference a week can make. I honestly thought I would give in and not make it through this withdrawal process, but I can honestly say I feel pretty good today. My body was a little stiff this morning but a nice hot shower helped a ton. The drive is becoming more bearable each day and I am finding I am not so tired all the time. I actually had energy today !
The cough is still hanging with me but definitely not at the level it was. I got some cough drops for the rough times and I am drinking tons. I am still slightly cold but definitely a huge difference from the last few days. Of course today I actually wore a sweater.
I did notice at work though that I don't just blankly stare off into nothing occasionally and I am much better at staying focused on one task instead of 4. This is going to be so beneficial to me. Keeping busy I think was the biggest key to this entire process. Sure I thought about it ... a lot, but once I was doing something else my mind drifted off to other things and I could focus on something other than the pain and the general ill feeling.
I ate my first half meal last night for the first time as well. I still felt sick, nauseated beyond belief, but for once it hit later on and not immediately. Even the upset stomach is tapering down. Heck this morning I even ate half a bagel and nothing yet so far other than a slight twinge of nausea.
This morning I felt like exercising for the first time and think I may just add this as part of my morning routine. Get up 30 minutes early, walk or hit the treadmill before going off for the day. Wow, I thought about exercise ! Not the pain, not the next medication dose or how to prevent from feeling sore. That has to mean something right ?

Day 7

So here I am, made it a week so far.
I did wake up really stiff in the hip today but nothing a little motrin didn't help with. I am still suffering from severe body temperature issues. I have had the chills more than the hot flashes though so it has been really hard to stay warm.
I have been keeping myself as busy as possible to keep my mind off of it. I woke up coughing at about 12:30 and was able to actually fall back to sleep for a change. Last night was my first night of going to sleep without help and it was only a little rough. I think I only woke up a couple of times because of some extremely vivid dreams.
I still feel clouded and tired but I can tell I have certianly gotten past the horrible part of this process and have started to get on with life. I feel good now and I can think really clearly, when over the course of the last few months I have begun to seriously question my judgement and choices I made.
So for now I will take it for what it is and enjoy being clean from this hell. Maybe in a few days the chills will stop !

Day 5 ... again

Well I am glad to report that I am feeling slightly better today. I took 1/2 a vallium after Heather's game last night and made it all the way until 4:29AM and again woke up coughing so hard I vomitted. I decided on some non-drowsy cold medicine to calm the cough and I was able to sleep a little bit more.
The legs have subsided and I am still dealing with the clammy feeling as well as the chills every now and then, but the heating pad has helped quite a bit. My joints ache all over though !
So I would like to think I have finally made it over the worst part of it and have really started to clean my system out. My stomach is still giving me issues and I can't keep any food down yet. I did try last night with half a slice of pizza but it didn't stay very long. This morning I grabbed a tangerine and that so far agreed pretty well. I am staying very hydrated so I don't make myself sicker, but as of today I have lost 8 pounds in this process.
One day at a time ....

Withdrawl ....

My updates have been few and far between due to my decision to go through the pain med withdrawal cold turkey. This started last Thursday after my update after I was told there would be no generic prescribed until my new insurance came through on Jan. 1st. As I have stated a few times, I wanted out. I did not want to have this hanging over my head anymore and I was ready.
I probably should have done more research before I did this though. I had no idea what to really expect other than a few unpleasant side effects.
Thankfully I was only on 15mg of the Oxycontin twice a day, time release. I did not abuse them in any way and took them as I was told to. The Lyrica was the same, and as I have said here I didn't really know what it was doing for me anyway.

Thursday night - I felt the first of it. I thought I was catching a cold and was sneezing like crazy. Something I had no idea was a side effect at first. The creepy crawlies soon followed at about 2am, which woke me up out of a dead sleep. I have felt that feeling before and it had me wondering if I could really do this.

Friday morning - The drive to work was horrible. My legs were crawling again, I was sleepy and could have sworn I got hit by the flu. By that time it had been almost 24 hours since my last dosage and I didn't make it through the day. I left work at 2pm thinking I was ill. Friday night I laid on the couch in agonizing pain and I couldn't sit still with my legs like they were. I soaked in the tub for a good hour and then tried to get some sleep. That went horribly. I got about 3 hours of sleep and had to head out Saturday for Heather's game.

Saturday - This is when it really hit me the worst. I coughed so hard my ribs are still sore and my stomach muscles hurt. I had the chills to the point I was playing musical chairs with my jacket and sweater. One minute I was hot and sweating and the next I was freezing and looking for any warmth. The yawning is almost stupid. I felt like I had been hit by the worst flu I have ever had and just wanted to stay in bed. I wanted to keep my mind off of it since by that time I knew exactly what it was. Heather and I went to the movies and while waiting for it to start I used the Internet on my phone and looked up just what I was going through. On the way home I stopped and grabbed some Nyquil. I figured it would help the cough and knock me out so I could get some sleep. I also had the worst stomach issues kick in that I have ever had.

Sunday - Woke up coughing so hard I vomited at about 4am. I went out and watched some TV and the crawlies started in my legs and carried all the way up my spine and past my knees. I wanted to die yesterday. I was in a sweat suit and covered with 2 blankets, freezing and then sweating back and forth. My stomach stayed upset through the entire weekend so that kept us close to home. The most I did was go with Heather to the pet store to grab some crickets for her spider, bundled up with even a knit hat on and sunglasses. I again took some Nyquil around 8:30 so I could sleep.

Today - I woke up so tired today. I was exhausted just from washing my hair in the shower. I haven't eaten a full meal in nearly 4 days and drank a diet shake for breakfast. I still have a slight case of the chills and the stomach issues are still with me. I coughed a little last night and feel so sore in my ribs. I just want to go home and lay in bed. I am sitting here at work with no desire to work or move other than to get to the restroom when I get coughing or other issues. I am feeling some slight depression and I want to cry all the time. I have been waiting for this one. The irritability is at a minimum just from the general feeling of crapiness, but I am hoping I have crossed the worst of it. Because my dosage was so small and for a short time I hope I don't become a horror story from what I have read.

I called Dr. Weingharts office and asked for assistance to get through this and was told because I no longer had insurance that they could not help me. If anyone ever reads this, please don't let a doctor convince you this medication is the way to go for any reason. They will leave you high and dry when the going gets tough and you will be faced with something you will not know how to deal with. If I had known this was what I would feel I would have asked for an alternative. One other piece of advice would be to make sure you have a support system. I am doing this completely alone and I feel so lost right now because I don't know what to do. I have no choice but to stick this out and get through it, as I am sure eventually everything will work itself out and return to normal.

It's soooo colldddddd

I can not believe this weather. It was -35 below with wind chill this morning. I don't think it got above 10 all day today like it was supposed to.
The last few days have been bliss. I don't have the pain I am used to and my back feels pretty good. I officially ran out of meds today and can't refill until Jan. 1st so it really looks like I am going to have to do withdrawl cold turkey. At this point though I am not really bothered by it. I have been feeling pretty good and there is only some slight soreness. Those things I can deal with.
I love my Backjoy too ! This thing has been wonderful for my back and I can seem to function better and not feel so much stress. I use it at work right now since the seat in my car is ergonomic and I can sit the way I need to for the pressure. I am going to definitely keep this one and see if it will work long term. I even cancelled the nerve study they wanted to do to isolate the pain. Instead I let them know I am doing good and that soon, after my new insurance kicks in, that we can discuss doing the other hip.
The new job is going great and I don't feel the pressure and stress I did at the last one. I feel actually really healthy emotionally since I started a new job and got rid of some things that were causing me mental torture (aka "him"). Never again ....
I am looking forward to Christmas and spending time with my family. My sister and I grow closer all the time and I am connecting with more family members because of her. Life is great and I feel so happy now that I can move forward. It just took a little bit to get it straight in my head and heart I guess.

Sniff sniff ...

All that is left of my horrible week is the sniffles. I have a slight low grade fever but I can definitely tell I am getting much better.
Snow hit today and it took me 3 hours to drive in. Funny thing is that for the first time my body didn't complain. I definitely was sick to death of sitting in my car to travel 35 miles but my back and hip are doing really well. I am feeling some slight pulling in the medius on the right side, but that pain has been there right from the start. I hope someday they will finally get that one figured out. Still have the same pain that took me to the doctor 9 months ago !
I am noticing absolutely no limp at all, no tenderness anymore in the butt cheek and the incision site tenderness is going away as well. I don't want to get my hopes up and think this finally may have been the turning point, but it's hard to not want to be extra positive after all the negative that has happened.
Now that I am feeling better I am planning to get active again and hopefully take off this 20 pounds I have gained since the surgery. I hate the way I look right now !

Colds suck !

I started getting sick last week and when does it hit full force ? Of course it would be Thanksgiving ! I spent half the day in bed and had to cook while jumping betwene the bed and the kitchen. I even ate dinner dressed in my pajamas.
Today I feel a little better but still have some tightness in the chest and my sinuses are killing me. I have never seen a cold like that.
The good news is that with all the time I spent in bed this weekend, my hip and back are finally feeling better. I am not walking with a limp and I haven't needed the heating pad yet in my chair at work. I traded the pain for a cold .. not sure yet if it was a fair one.
I did get out a little bit and get shopping and such done but other than that I tried to take it easy.

Tomorrow starts my month with health coverage as well. I am a little nervous about it since I have been so ill the last few days but wish me luck that I don't get hurt or sicker during that time !

Gobble gobble

2 days until Thanks giving and I am now realizing how fast this year flew !!! I wish I could say it was a good year but it was full of pain.
Between kidney surgery, facet injections, parathyroidism and now my hip I can see why everything passed by so fast. Not only was my body sad but my mind had a rough year right along side it. My heart is lonely and it's affecting my head.
I saw Dr. Weinghart today and he wants me to start taking the meds every 8 hours now instead of 12 to see if I can get some relief. I am not sure how much this will help but I am willing to try anything. He is starting me on a new medicine, forgot to write it down to link in here but I will later. It is supposed to help me sleep through the night now instead of waking up with every roll on to my hips and back. I really hope this works like he thinks it will. He basically said that we need to find something to work because I will be facing this for years to come. Yay ....
I see Dr. Erickson this afternoon and I am sure it will be like all my visits with him. Drive an hour to sit in the office for 5 minutes while he tells me this is normal and I will just have to be patient and let it heal. I can't believe it's been almost 5 months since they did this. I want to feel better already. I don't want to be patient anymore ! I am sure the topic of my right hip will come up today, but since my insurance is finished on the 30th and I will not resume coverage until Jan.1 st that it will definitely be on hold another month.
We will be spending Thanksgiving at home, nice and quiet. I have the stuff for dinner, a nice spiral ham and all the fixings. I am struggling so hard to find anything to be thankful for this year.

Short workweek !

I am so happy it's a short week.
My body is hating me this week with a passion. between the backaches and the weird hip pain I am wiped out. I am feeling pain deep in the side of my thigh and it feels almost like a prickly burning feeling .. kinda like what I felt along my pelvic rim on the right side that initially took me to the doctor. I am limping badly and my body is so stiff now, even when staying still for a short amount of time.
I have decided to start cutting calories to see if losing a few pounds will help me. My back is so sore, leaving me close to tears all day long. I was laying in bed yesterday and saw an infomercial for a thing called the BackJoy. I know it is approved by the FDA as a medical device so I am going to give it a try and see if I can't get some relief. I will definitely keep you updated !
I see both docs tomorrow and hopefully I can get some kind of progress out of this. The last few visits to Dr. Erickson I just get the "let it heal" statement and 5 minute appointments. I am still not sure how it will go with Dr. Weinghart but hopefully I can get some good information from him on how to cope with my pain and not use so many pain management drugs.
The pain is getting worse everyday and I am truly sick of it.

Week 1 done

This first week at the new job flew. I have been in so much pain it's unbelievable. We did finally have a drive home last night that was right at an hour. I keep hoping my body will start adjusting to the long rides but it hasn't.
My back is finally feeling better. Last night I took a muscle relaxer and my regular meds, soaked in a bath and went to bed. It is slow going but I am glad it doesn't feel like it did Monday. My hips are still stiff and a little painful but after a while they loosen up as long as I get up and stretch, which hasn't been much ! They are keeping me extremely busy and I seem to be fitting in to the team nicely. I am catching Brandon's cold so one thing is taking place of another. Hopefully that goes away and it's just something minor. He has been horribly ill and he isn't getting much better.
I do miss all my friends and wish I could relate to others here like I do to them. I miss having that support system and people who understood what I was going through. Who knows .. maybe soon !

What did I do ?

So this morning while I was getting ready for work I noticed a very quick pinch in my back. All I can is ouch !!!! It has progressively gotten worse as the day goes on. The pinching is all the way up to the bottom of my ribs and down both legs. This almost feels like when I herniated a disk but I literally did absolutely nothing when it started hurting like this.
The hip of course still hurts and now my groin hurts along with it. I don't know if it is the back pain adding to it but I wish it would all just go away. I am on the verge of tears and throwing up at the same time, which is such a lovely thought.
I will give this a couple of days before I get alarmed. I am chalking this up to my facet arthritis and pain in my back. The commute is starting to seriously affect my health, the sitting for hours to drive home. What have I done ? have I made the wrong decision with accepting this pisition ? Is this ever going to end with the amount of pain following my surgery ? It's just all too much right now.

New job rocks !

I started the new job on Wednesday but looking back now I should have taken a couple of days off and enjoyed a little down time.
Regardless I am enjoying things so far. The people are absolutely wonderful and I can tell I have tons of work that is going to keep me really busy. The only thing so far that has affected me is the drive. When I drove to work before it was a quick 20-25 minute shot straight down. Now it ranges from 35 minutes to an hour like today. I am so not used to traffic. It has been taking me nearly an hour and 20 minutes to get home. My body is not used to that at all. I hate driving ! So now when I get home my body is stiff and I am wiped out. I am sure eventually I will adjust, but for now I will bitch about it !
I decided to take the 24th off since I am seeing Dr. Weinghart in the morning to come up with a plan to get me off the pain medication. In the afternoon I am seeing Dr. Erickson for my month followup. My insurance ends on the 30th so I made sure to squeeze in the last visits and medication refills. I will of course get them to write next months scripts then as well. I will have coverage with my new employer within 30 days after I start so I do not have to let Cobra coverage gouge me. I did find out it is a lapse of 60 days for coverage before it's considered an existing condition, so I am safe.
Well back to work for me !

It's done

I am sitting here just waiting for the clock to tick down to my final minutes here. There is just this wave of calm that came over me this morning as I made my last drive here. The stress is gone, time for a new stress to start with learning a new job. This kind is much more exciting !
My body is sore today and I am walking pretty stiff. I have the heat going on my back as usual and it feels good. I am starting to feel weird lumps underneath my incision spots and think the scar tissue is starting to build up. You would not believe how tender it is ! I have been massaging it to loosen it up but it hurts quite a bit.
The hip feels even tighter today. I don't know if my body is just used to the pain meds and working it's way around it, but it has started to get worse lately. I am trying to convince myself that it is healing and that's all I am feeling is my body trying hard to rebuild muscle and tissue. I will be seeing Dr. Erickson on the 24th and I am really hoping by then we can decide what to do next. I want to be able to sit on a chair without my legs and lady parts falling asleep ! I know the hamstring is still tight so I have to get my butt back to stretching daily. I felt a little bit of clicking last night as I was doing some stretching and I freaked out.
My mind is everywhere today so it's best I quit now. It may be a while before I can get back here since I now have a commute but I don't plan to stop until the process is done !

One more day !

This is my last full day working at quite possibly one of the most stressful jobs I have ever had. It didn't really hit me how bad until I started getting sick and having to deal with medical issues. Making up time for appointments with night and weekend work, doing what I could out of guilt to get back to work after major surgery on my hip ... it just hits you all at once I think. I even used all of my sick days and vacation to follow the doctors orders and take a week off after my scope.

This weekend was extremely rough on the hip. I skipped meds on Saturday night so I could go to happy hour with my sister and her husband, and man did I pay for it at about 4am. I couldn't even sleep my legs hurt so bad. I felt those creepy crawlies again in my legs all the way up and down. Once I took the Oxy I was better but I went 24 hours without the Lyrica. Once I grabbed that from the pharmacy and took it I started to feel better. I hate this so much. I hate having to depend on little pills to make me feel better every day. I feel like my hip is never going to heal. I can't sit now for more than 20 minutes at a time and my back aches pretty much all the time. The pain is more in the center of the cheek and right around the hamstring insertion. Back to the heat I guess ....

Day 5 - Fail

So it isn't going as I planned ! I gave in and had to get back on the pain medication. The pain has been unbearable and I wish I had the ability to be stronger. It feels like my back is the source of more than half of it but my hip is still not feeling better.
Today the pain is better but along the bottom of the left cheek is horrible. I am not able to sit for long periods of time. The entire side on my hip is tender and sore, surely pain that was being masked by the Oxy. I am scheduling an appointment with Dr. Weinghart to see what options I have to do this without going cold turkey and suffering. I really think I am going to have to do the Facet Injections again if I am going to have any relief. The cold is getting at my other joints now too so I need to get things under control before I lose my mind !
I feel like a failure, but I knew when I started what I was up against.

Day 3 detox

OMG .... the pain !!! That's all I can really say this morning.
My back is hurting so badly and there is nothing I can do other than to give in and take a pill. It's Tylenol for now and see how it works. My hip is definitely giving me problems as well and I had hoped it wouldn't be this bad. I can feel it mostly on the bottom of my butt cheek. It's getting difficult to sit for a long period of time too. I am going to try and soak tonight in a hot bath and try some of the yoga stretching exercises I learned to see if I can actually get a full nights sleep. I had thought of taking Tylenol PM but it defeats the whole purpose of getting off pain medications.
The headache is easing which helps a ton. I don't want to be a flaming bitch during this process, but this would be a good time to do it while I am getting ready to leave this job. So back to work .... maybe.

Day 2

Well day one can be best described as an utter disaster. I started feeling pretty ill last night and ended up in bed by 7:30. I just laid there and watched a movie with Brandon, Gangs of NY. My back ache became almost unbearable so I took some Tylenol and tried to keep my mind busy with the movie. By about 2am I couldn't sleep due to the leg pain and a headache started setting in. I did take the Lyrica as I had planned so I didn't add to anything by trying to do both at the same time. I can't even describe the back ache I felt though, so deep and distracting.
This morning I am exhausted. I felt like I didn't sleep at all. My head hurts, which I can only assume is a rebound headache. I am stuffy in my nose and sinuses. The backache is ten times worse than it was last night and my hip is absolutely horrible. When I step down I feel a very sharp stabbing pain deep in the joint. I am feeling pain on the outside as well, but more in my groin and where I sit. I have the heat going on high today on my back and may resort to my heating pad for the groin if it continues to get worse through the day.

I am seriously beginning to have second thoughts. I want off these pain meds but at what cost ? Thinking I may need to include my doctor in this one ....

Time to detox !

After several weeks of research on detoxing my body I have finally come up with a plan. So, welcome to day 1.
The plan is to start seeing a chiropractor for my back, acupuncture and physical therapy for the hip along with hydrotherapy. I don't want to be on medication anymore to hide what isn't healing.
The side effects I am currently having -
Lyrica ones I am having:

• Dizziness
• Blurry vision
• Weight gain
• Sleepiness
• Trouble concentrating
• Swelling of hands and feet
• Dry mouth
• Feeling "high"

I was looking at issues I will have during withdrawl and came across this gem "Now researchers are reporting a case of brain swelling, or cerebral edema, after abrupt withdrawal from pregabalin (Lyrica), a new antiepileptic drug that will be available this fall." and "The most important Lyrica withdrawal symptom is a seizure."
I will be asking for a lower dosage with my next refill and slowly ween myself off of this one. The sounds of withdrawls are just as scary as the changes it has made in me personally. I will admit now I am terrified. What made my doctor think this was a good medication for me to deal with my arthritis ?

The next will be Oxycontin.
Side effects I have been dealing with -
"slow/shallow breathing, fainting, slow/fast/irregular heartbeat, mental/mood changes (such as agitation, hallucinations, confusion), difficulty urinating, vision changes."
"Nausea, vomiting, constipation, dizziness, drowsiness, headache, increased sweating, dry mouth, lightheadedness, loss of appetite, or weakness"

I think the worst has been the change in my personality. Many people have noticed such a huge change between a year ago and now. I was such an easy person to get along with. I could run with the kids and have a great time, I could work for hours and actually have a full thought. Now I am just a shell of who I was. I am tired all the time. I feel nauseous every moment I am awake and I am just not myself. Hell, sitting in the car today I cried just thinking about how much I have lost just in the past 6 months due to the changes in myself. I hate me. I hate the doctors for knowingly allowing this to happen to me.

Withdrawl symptoms:
"Sudden stoppage of oxycontin can result in serious withdrawal symptoms. The withdrawal syndrome may be characterized by restlessness, lacrimation, restlessness, anxiety, rhinorrhea, yawning, perspiration, chills, myalgia, and mydriasis. Other symptoms also may develop, include irritability, vague pain, weakness, abdominal cramps, insomnia, nausea, anorexia, vomiting, diarrhea, or increased blood pressure, respiratory rate, or heart rate."

I am so scared to start this journey right now. Right when I am ready to start a new job and a new chapter in my life, but I have to do this. I am losing grip on everything that means anything to me in my life. I don't want to be a prisoner to these drugs any more and try to find a new way to cope with the pain. The pain is bearable in comparison to the mental torture I am feeling now. The loneliness I feel since alienating everyone, the sadness of losing anything active in my life. It's over now. I am determined to get through this and regain control of my life again. The worst part is I am doing it alone. I am going to need all the strength I can muster.

First slip ...

I knew it was coming. I pulled in to the parking lot this morning, got out and slid along side my car. I grabbed on to the door but my leg did get away from me. I am now sore from catching myself in the groin area and the bottom of my butt. This hip is never going to heal ! The joint was already aching from the cold and this just added a little more pain to the area. I am starting to hate that word ... pain. It's the center of my universe now.
I took some advil to take the edge off and it seems to be working. I have heat on my back and taking it easy today. I figured I will just soak in a bath tonight and call Dr. Erickson if it doesn't feel better in a few days. I do know it is just tender and in the healing process. This would have been a good day for PT since he works those kinks out. I hate winter !

Work is another story. I have lost my drive to transition. I want things to go smoothly for the new guy, but I am feeling the stress going away more everyday knowing I am closer to starting my new job. It's a very nice feeling. I spiked a migraine last night but for once the Maxalt worked, so obviously there is still some stress there that I haven't let go yet. I am really trying to find some motivation to get things done. I have a busy weekend planned again and it should be fun. The guys are going to abuse me and make me do things I normally wouldn't do !

Snow !

The one thing I never really thought about until now, the snow. I am nervous .... Very nervous !!! What happens if I slip or fall on the ice, slide sideways and catch my hip again. Things that are hitting me right in the face right now. I wore boots today so I hope they have enough traction on them to keep me stable, but we are looking at another foot of snow by the end of the day. The drive in was really slick and I will be asking the boys to shovel the driveway and sidewalk to save me the risk of hurting myself.
My hip aches so badly today and I have to assume it is from the weather. It's cold and damp out, not to mention it makes me shiver enough to hurt my whole body. My medius is starting to really hurt again on the right side since I stopped seeing Michael last Monday. This is something I will definitely pursue outside of my current injury. My other forms of PT have also stopped and I found that helped more than anything a doctor has done for me. I gave my notice yesterday and I had to ask how this will affect the Workman's Compensation claim I have open. Dr. Erickson said that until they release me as healed that I am fine but to make sure when I change jobs to keep Cobra coverage so I have no gaps in insurance coverage. This will cover the existing condition claim.
The cold weather is bringing on a tad bit of depression. I had a lot to think about last night and I am sure this will pass as quickly as it came.

Appointment update

I saw Dr. Erickson today and he agrees that I need to stop PT because it appears to be making things worse not better. I told him I am to the point where I want to just tell everyone "I fine" and leave it at that. He then asked if I was fine and I answered no. The pain is distracting but at least bearable now.
I know I am healing, something I have known for a while. He said that I just need to wait it out and let the hip heal, then we can start looking at the other one. Of course I cringed when he said that ! The pain meds are at least masking the real pain and he said for now let it mask so I can heal. He is seeing me again in a month.

Quick Update !

I got my offer letter this morning for the new job ... and I am taking it !!!! I made sure their insurance carrier will cover my next scope as well. Now the fun part of giving my 2 week notice. I also need to plan relocation. Now that I am with my sister I don't want to move away from her and the kids, but knowing he is moving here makes me have a need to move away as quickly as possible. There has to be a happy medium.

Great weekend

It was definitely a good weekend. I felt good and things actually went pretty smooth.
The movie wasn't that great but had some scary parts. We went and saw Paranormal Activity. I expected it to be better but I had a blast with Heather and my friends from work.
Saturday I took my little guy to the dentist in the morning and they want to pull his baby tooth. He got an infection in one of his molars because his permanent is already breaking through and something got in there. We ran all over town and got things done for the rave. We got to Hallow Freakin' Ween at about 8:30. They announced the location in Colorado Springs Friday night so there was not much time for planning the 2 hour drive ! My hip though did fantastic and I am definitely feeling better. I was even able to dance for a few hours and I felt great. I made sure not to drink more than one drink and skipped the meds for one night. We rolled in around 4:00AM exhausted but had an awesome time. I did have a migraine hit but I worked through it. It was great seeing my girls so happy.
Yesterday was a bbq with my sister and her family. I met my nephews for the first time and it was so nice. Having family around now has made me so happy. Her and her husband are loving, caring people and we are going to have a long happy life all together, getting to know each other. She made me feel so welcome in her home and her husband welcomed my kids with open arms. The last time she saw them they were so little, heck they were 9,7,5 and 2. Now they are all grown. She is an awesome woman and I admire what a great job she has done.

I can tell I am healing physically and emotionally. I am hardly feeling any pain at all now in the hip and I can sit for longer periods of time. Every now and then I feel a slight ache but this weekend reminded me that my hip is healing fine. My heart, not so much but I will have no choice but to pull myself together. With the most awesome support system in the world I will get through this and be stronger for it ... just in time to go through it with the next hip !

Happy weekend !

Another week gone by, and not a bad one at that other than the disaster that started it.
My hip is finally starting to feel better. I hate to say it, but after not having but one pt session earlier this week I am beginning to question if it was working for me or just irritating things. It was certainly making my back feel better, but of course that wasn't where I really needed it. There is little pain in the butt now and I am so happy about that. There was a point I was wondering if I would ever feel better. So for now I will try and see if this is going to progress and see Dr. Erickson next Tuesday. It would be nice to finally be done with all the Workman's comp stuff.
The funny thing is my scars are still sore and itchy !

I was reflecting last night about how the rest of the process is going to go. I have been interviewing with different companies to possibly accept a less stressful position and things look great. I got a call back for the first one this morning and I believe they may be making an offer. They had asked for me to drive back down today but there was no way I could find 2 hours to sneak off. I don't like having to do it this way but I am exploring my options. So, hopefully good news soon or at least an option for a job with less stress and more direction. It may be hard though to get coverage having this as an existing condition.

It's going to be a busy weekend and I am hoping it isn't as bad as last weekend was for the hip and back. We are seeing a movie tonight with some friends of mine from work determined to make me fee better, doing a Halloween rave tomorrow night and a wonderful bbq at my sister's house. I have to admit it is really nice keeping my mind occupied during the rough times and I start to refocus on what needs to be done. Back to the grind of healing and recovery.

10/21 Already

Today isn't a good or bad day. It's definitely a neutral one. I had run out of the oxycontin and went a day and a half without it and it was the worst pain I had ever felt. The withdrawl is even worse but now that I am back on my regular schedule I am feeling much better. This one will be huge to work through when we finally get things worked out with my other hip. I have done some light research on the withdrawl and I am in for a ride. I did feel a slight hangover feeling from taking my last 2 scheduled doses.
My biggest concern is the pain I felt off the meds. It was deep in the hip and I couldn't believe how much is being masked. I stayed with the Lyrica but it really didn't feel like it was doing anything productive, so I may asked Dr. Weinghart next time I see him if it's really necessary to stay on this one now that some of the bigger issues are being worked through. I am done with pt sessions until I see Dr. Erickson again so I am sticking with my stretches and doing regular exercises.
Emotionally I am numb. Working through issues in my own head and heart and moving on with my life. This is a good time to be working on the entire body again.

Ewww Monday

After a short quiet weekend, it's back to the grind. I hate Monday's !!!!
So, the trip up to the hot springs was really nice. The weather was fantastic and stayed in the mid 70's. The leaves are turning and they appeared in reds and oranges all the way up through the pass which was stunning. When we got there the hotel view was great and we headed out for dinner. The drive was 3 hours and I could barely walk when I got out of the car. Due to getting car sick I took some meds and slept a good part of the trip.
Dinner was fantastic. We ate at a small rib place and they tasted yummy. The beer was cold and the meat was good .... ideal for a great dinner out. After dinner we headed to the big pool. Getting in the water felt fantastic. The cooler pool was nice and we just hung out for a bit before getting in the really hot one. Once we moved to the hot pool I was happy. They have these bubble chairs that you put a quarter in and you get your own mini hot tub right there on your butt. Considering where my pain is it felt really good. We bounced between the 2 pools for a couple of hours and headed back. It was a nice night of drinking and TV, something I normally don't do at home.
The next morning I woke up horribly stiff and having pain deep in the joint. I felt that pain all day and even had problems walking around at the local shops. We really only walked maybe a total of 2 hours but my body felt like it had been a full day. We decided to stop in Vail and walk the village on the way home and we also stopped at the outlet stores. By the end of the day I was in more pain than I can describe. The rest of the ride home was welcomed and I was able to rest.

Today though I am sore. I saw Michael this morning and he worked out some of the tighter places which felt good but hurt like hell while he was doing it ! It looks like my injury is healing though and it is moving more towards the back and my hip. I see Dr. Erickson tomorrow and I will see if I just walked too much on it. What bothers me most is that 3 1/2 months in I would think I can handle some time on my feet. It's extremely discouraging.

Happy Happy Friday !

I am really happy the week is over finally ! It was the week from hell considering this migraine has stuck with me for 3 days now. I am happy not to have the auras any more but the nausea is horrid. I feel like I am always on the edge of it coming back though. We are planning a nice weekend away so that may help me a lot. We are going to Glenwood Springs to soak in the hot springs .... it will be so relaxing and needed. "Glenwood Springs has the world's largest hot springs swimming pool, and our setting at the confluence of the Roaring Fork River and the Colorado River make us a natural fit for year-round fun. " I have read that the hot springs are natural resources for arthritis relief so any type of relief that is not narcotic is welcome.

I saw Michael this morning and I am feeling really good. There is a change in the tissue on the outside of my hip and there is more bruising, which I can't explain. I did the leg presses and a new stretch against the wall rolling my hip out and bearing weight on the opposite leg. It is really sore again at the insertion so he worked on it with the ultrasound and used the gel. I was late for my appointment this morning because Brandon missed the school bus which cut my session really short. I do get to see him Monday again and will make sure I am on time !

The world is getting sick ..

I swear everyone is catching the flu or some form of sickness everywhere around me ! I ended up in ER with a monster migraine last night and there were people surrounding me with surgical masks on. It was one of those very surreal and almost movie like scenes, but of course I was in tears and vomiting uncontrollably. It started yesterday morning and I took a Maxalt, but then by 10 or so it still hadn't eased so I took another. By the time I went home and laid down the vomiting started and I was done. Finally around 7:00PM I headed to the hospital for some relief.
This morning I feel wiped out. I came to work late and still have a nasty headache. I am trying to actually eat something even though I feel seriously nauseated. Maybe by tomorrow I will finally be back to normal.
As for the hip, it feels really good believe it or not. There haven't been any huge bouts of pain or stabbing in the butt area. There is a small area at the hamstring insertion that is sore, but it has been since the beginning. I also took it easy this week, but maybe this is a sign I can hope for a recovery back on track. I see Michael in the morning and he will get an opportunity to abuse me some. I will also see Dr. Erickson next Tuesday.

Slacking

I am getting worse about weekend updates. Nothing really exciting happened with Dr. Erickson. He is attributing my recent pain to the change in the weather but I am not too sure I agree with him. I do have increased pain in my back and the places I was hurting before but I am not sure I am ready to just write is off as my body reacting to winter coming!
The weekend was pretty quiet. I did absolutely nothing Saturday. I figured I never get time to just sit and take time to come down from the hard week, but I took advantage of it even though my house felt neglected. Sunday was another story though. Groceries, laundry ... all the stuff I usually do over a 2 day span got smushed into one day. Nate had a birthday party to go to so Rob dropped him and his boys off and I picked them up. It was interesting trying to get everything done in 4 hours, but we managed and I was able to chill for a bit. I was feeling some pretty intense back pain while doing laundry. I pulled all the winter clothes out and jackets to take to the laundromat and get them all done at once. The blankets are the biggest pain, but having them in the bottom dryers was awful ! I eventually had Brandon pulling everything out for me because I couldn't bend any more.
My hip feels slightly better today after seeing Michael this morning. I usually feel relief when I see him and today was no exception. He saw several bruises along the hamstring and on the IT band but we couldn't really determine where they came from. I know sometimes when I hurt I rub those areas and may have gotten a little too agressive. He did put me on the eliptical today which surprised the heck out of me. I did a minute forward and then one backward. I did this for a while and then tried changing directions after a few steps. Forward didn't really hurt but then moving backward was extremely painful, not sure how productive that really was. He did massage my hamstring and IT band which hurt like a %^%@^$# but I lived and feel much better.
Emotionally this last few weeks have been great. I met with my sister last night and it was fantastic. I also feel extremely loved by the kids and Rob. It's been a rough road but things always seem to look up. I am so lucky to have such a great family and a new start with the most important things in my life.

Dreary day ...

The weather is changing very fast here, 70 yesterday and now in the 40's with snow expected this afternoon. I woke up kinda stuffy but guessing it was from the heat being on to keep the house warm. I hate winter .. and this winter will be interesting. It will be a challenge to make sure I don't fall on the ice and hurt myself worse than I already have. I am going shoe shopping soon to get rid of any heels and wear slacks this winter. I usually do during the winter but I just want to get better and not open myself for more injuries.
My back is sore today too, more than usual with the exception of yesterday. The outside of the thigh is sore and I am having a hard time sitting for a long period of time. I have had heat on my back almost all day and it does help a bit. My hamstring isn't playing nice today but I also skipped my stretches this morning. I didn't have physical therapy scheduled but will see Michael tomorrow morning. I took my regular meds and half a muscle relaxer last night. The muscle relaxer stuck with me and I overslept, only 15 minutes late for work but still late. I did set a personal record of showering, makeup and hair in 14 minutes this morning !

I see Dr. Erickson this afternoon for my followup from last week. I really hope this is normal, the pain in the groin and butt (literally). If not I guess he will let me know.

Need to vent

So I have now been working solo just short of 2 weeks now and I can honestly say it's affecting me. Between the pain and trying to get around to doctors, physical therapy, then having to deal with clueless vendors and applications that refuse the work the same for every user .... the least I can say is I am frustrated to no end and need to calm down a little.
I have been running all over the building during testing and my hip is hurting to the point I stopped long enough to cry in the bathroom. There is a horrible pinch in my lower back, assuming it is the sciatic nerve doing it. I just want to cry, and hard. I can't hold it all in anymore and be expected to function on a normal level. The lack of understanding of what I am going through on a professional level is near sickening. So, suck it up and just do it right ? There has to be a point my body is going to tell me it can't work at this pace anymore and it's going to leave me in a very bad state.

Well, I took a minute out to sit down and breath but time to get back to the grind.

What a weekend !

I quite possibly have the best friends in the world ! This has by far been the best birthday I have ever had and I feel so blessed and happy to have these people in my life.
So to the meat of things. The weekend went pretty good pain-wise until yesterday. I took it easy Saturday night and didn't move the hip too much but man did my back let me know I pushed a little too far. I was about 5 hours or so over time for my medication yesterday morning and I can't even describe the pain I felt. Once I got home and was able to lay down I took the oxycontin and 30 minutes later got some relief. There is a new pain I am feeling also on the outside of the thigh as well, deep in the hip. I am hoping it's just irritated. There is also a burning in the same area and then it is shooting pain through the hip and to my butt. I am a little concerned but we will see how it feels tomorrow.
I saw Michael this morning and as usual he has the magic hands. My back is still hurting extremely bad and I will most likely take 50mg of Tramadol to calm it down. When I got in the car to go home yesterday morning I felt a horrible pull and sharp pain near my S1/L5 and it stopped me dead in my tracks. I plan to break out the heating pad today and convince my body it is really ok. Michael and I were talking about pain levels and I am honestly just done with it. I of course have my good and bad days but I am so tired of hurting to the point I can't function. I have even contimplated going back for a repeat of the Facet Joint Injections for some relief.

Emotionally I couldn't be a happier person right now. The way I felt this weekend was just amazing and it makes it easier to go through this process. I heard from my sister, whom I haven't had contact with in nearly 9 or so years on my birthday and can't wait to see and talk to her again. I believe this is the first time in my entire life I feel like I have balance, a support system like no other. Great friends, loving children and a man trying hard to make me better. Life is good .......

Limbo

I saw Dr. Erickson today for my MRI follow-up and I can't tell if it's a good or bad thing. He said he wasn't happy with the findings and will be discussing the next course of action with a specialist. Normally he is very matter of fact about things and if he didn't see anything he would set my next appointment a few weeks out. He put the films up on the board and said he didn't have a good enough view of the area he wanted to see and is going to get a copy on disk so he can look at it with the other doctor. I obviously did something serious enough to make him doubt what to do next and even set an appointment to see me next week. He has also ordered me to see Michael now 3 times a week instead of 2, which of course I don't mind a bit !
We did have the funniest conversation though. Before I left he told me that I would have to take it easy and to not do anything extremely physical. So being the smart-ass I am I asked him if that included sex. I explained my birthday is Saturday and I wanted to live it up a little. He laughed and told me "yes Erin, that means no monkey sex". So that ended up being a joke as I walked out. I can just see myself hanging from a tree getting my groove on ! He did say I could have "gentle sex", whatever that means. He said it was getting that time that I should be able to if I was careful. Little does he know I started a few weeks after sugery ! So I guess I will have to find a new way to celebrate ... or just not tell him like I haven't thus far.

I can't say I am not nervous. There have been tons of reports of having to scope again after an injury, but I really hope what he thinks he sees isn't that, but of course he didn't share that with me. This would require time off from work I don't have and then with being the only person right now running IT on the server side I would have to put off anything for at least a month or so until I can get the new guy starting on the 12th up to speed. Emotionally I am doing great and have the best support system possible, which feels absolutely fantastic after the bouts of depression I had experienced. Physically I still do feel ok, with the exception of some pulling in the groin area and of course that nagging stab in the butt. It isn't anything like it was a month ago so I count my blessings every day that I am improving. Now let's hope it continues that course.

Feeling good !

Tomorrow will be 3 months since my surgery to debride my labrum and to shave 3 bone spurs from my hip. Time flies so fast. It was a decision I will absolutely never regret.
I feel great today for a change. I am definitely feeling so much better and the pain is tolerable and even absent in places it recently had been. The tightness is beginning to settle in my hamstring and the pain is gone from my butt (today anyway). It's amazing the difference physical therapy has made in my life. The stretches I have been doing have helped tremendously and I hope to be done with everything soon and get back to planning for my right hip to get done.

They finally fixed the floors here at work yesterday and filled the gap with concrete and stretched the carpets. I am so thankful to not have to walk to my desk looking at the floor for the x's we placed to not roll into it again. Kevin left Friday but so far this week I am holding my own just fine. It is still extremely stressful not having someone to have your back when you need it, but like any other time I am a strong broad and I will muddle through the best I can.

My 38th birthday is coming up in a few days and I can't believe this is where I am in my life. No one really expects to be looking at hip surgery this early and I should really be out there still training for marathon's and playing baseball with my kids. I guess the whole experience for nearly a year now has made me strong but somewhat bitter. I did everything right. I stayed healthy, I played sports, I exercised and I tried to stay active ... in the end the result was the same. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. And like Louisa, my FAI buddy has shared, this has been the hardest year by far. I would like to think that giving up 2 years of my life to fix my hips will reward me with 30 of having a chance to be active and pain free again.

MRI results

I had the imaging place fax me the results over and I can post what it says.
Borderline joint effusion
Mild synovitis and edematous capsular thickening of the left anterior/inferior joint capsule

It looks like I didn't really hurt anything major so that's good news, but I will need them to explain the rest to me !

Definitions -
Joint Effusion - increased fluid in synovial cavity of a joint. It's a sign of arthritis. ( I am not sure if this is due to the Debridement)
Arthritis involves the breakdown of cartilage. Cartilage normally protects the joint, allowing for smooth movement. Cartilage also absorbs shock when pressure is placed on the joint, like when you walk. Without the usual amount of cartilage, the bones rub together, causing pain, swelling (inflammation), and stiffness.

You may have joint inflammation for a variety of reasons, including:

* An autoimmune disease (the body attacks itself because the immune system believes a body part is foreign)
* Broken bone
* General "wear and tear" on joints
* Infection (usually caused by bacteria or viruses)

Often, the inflammation goes away after the injury has healed, the disease is treated, or the infection has been cleared.

Synovitis - An inflammatory condition of the synovial membrane of a joint as the result of an aseptic wound or a traumatic injury, such as a sprain or severe strain.

I lived .... again

MRI's are evil.
I of course got sick during the beginning of mine Friday and had the worse sense of panic. I ended up crying and having to take 2 different shots at it. Finally after the scan started I fell asleep from the Valium and was able to finish it without even remembering. I swear it is being strapped down that does it to me. For an hour or 2 afterward I shake uncontrollably. I am anxiously awaiting my scan report to see if everything is going ok.
Physical Therapy was a little rough this morning. I did the presses, ball rotations and he had me doing 3/3's of the leg lifts. My leg is still really shaky and it was only painful on the lifts. The horrible part was when he worked on the IT band. The pain is to the point I am ready to jump off the table, but now I just remember to breathe through it and to swear (sh!t is my favorite right now). He worked again on my glutes and my lower back which was great, still hurts extremely bad but he does the deep tissue now on both sides and I can finish it straight through. I kinda miss the ultrasound but it honestly isn't helping enough to make a difference. I think that's why I like Michael so much because he is great at the process of elimination and finding what really works for me. I can't believe the difference in the right crest now, it is getting to the point I barely even notice it anymore. It starts to get sore again after maybe 3 or 4 days but at least now it's tolerable. Today though the heating pad had to come out.
I am also concerned about my need for pain meds. Saturday night I was 2 hours late on my meds and I could feel it. The limp started and my back ached so badly. I was with the girls at the mall getting their homecoming dresses and I was almost in tears just trying to get around. This bothers me. To know if for whatever reason I can't refill a prescription or something similar (no access to them) that I may very well go through some serious withdrawal and pain. I need to get this figured out and soon so I can finally just stop taking it. I did start taking the vitamin D this weekend so that may help with some areas of being exhausted, but at this point I will take absolutely anything that will help me naturally feel better. Guess I will see. The most natural feel good stuff I am getting right now is emotional support, which has been missing for a little bit. It feels wonderful to have it again.

Happy Friday !

This week is over already, wow it went quick.
I got up at 5:30 and went to breakfast with my son as usual and I feel wiped out. I was out of the 15mg oxycontin and had to take a 20mg so it makes me tired. I have to pick up the new prescription today and get that done.
Physical therapy was great this morning again. I let Michael know that the massage along the right side seem to work wonders and asked if he could possibly do it again to see if that was the key for me. He had absolutely no problem with it considering his job is to slowly try new things to pinpoint where the pain is coming from. I can honestly say I feel excellent right now. My hamstring is still being a pain but it always feels less tight after I see him. I did some stretching before he did the massage, but again on the gluteus minimus I was almost crying it hurt so much. I figured I can cope with that level of pain long enough to feel better for days afterward. When he started on the IT band I was almost jumping off the table it hurt so bad.
I am feeling some pain in my butt cheek again and a slight pinching, guessing it is still the piriformis. One thing I can say though is that I am healing. I can feel the difference everyday and I am excited about it. The MRI is this afternoon and Dr. Weinghart's office just called and let me know that they are going to give me the Valium. Oh happy day !
I had the most wonderful evening and I feel very content today and calm. Everything seems to be coming together with both the emotional and physical aspects of my life and it feels phenomenal.

The Noisy White Monster ...

I will be having my MRI tomorrow afternoon and I am not happy ! I left a message with Dr. Weinghart to hopefully get a prescription for Valium before I go, I know I can't get through it without them. I even told the nurse to make sure they have 2. I now refer to the MRI machine as the noisy white monster, the terror I feel the minute I see it fits the name just fine.
I decided today to walk to Target to get the Vitamin D but that was a huge mistake. There was a pinch maybe halfway there in my butt cheek again. I am sick to death of hurting there. I see Michael in the morning and I am hoping he can continue to make me feel better. It's going to be a long busy day tomorrow that's for sure.
I will be hitting the shopping areas with my daughter this weekend to find her homecoming dress and if PT goes good it shouldn't be too much of an issue. It would be nice to be able to spend more than an hour out before being wiped for the entire weekend.

Humpday ...

The week is flying by so fast and I continue to be feeling pretty good. I only feel a small amount of tugging and I do feel really tight in my hamstring. It's definitely a great change from the last few weeks and how I have been feeling. I don't see Michael again until Friday and boy am I anxious ! I am also feeling slightly better along the crest on my right side which is surprising me. This has hurt for well over 8 months, and if the solution is working that muscle I am all for it.
I got a call from Dr. Sorenson's office as well and my test results came back a little lower than the last so I have to do another 24 collection, which was horrible. My calcium was elevated as well as my vitamin D being extremely low, 16. So they suggest I go ahead and start the vitamin D supplements and see how they want to move forward with scheduling the scan of my parathyroid. The nurse did say the rest of my numbers looked pretty decent so finally a little good news.
Emotionally I am pretty happy. I swear it helps my recovery to feel like this. Probably should mention Rob and I are talking again and it has certainly helped me.

Happy Tuesday !

I am feeling pretty good today for a change. Thought I would mix it up and actually have a good day.
After seeing Michael yesterday I am coming to the conclusion that my right hip may actually be contributing to my pain. He did the massage on the right side yesterday and I woke up feeling pretty damn good on both sides. Of course I am still stiff when I walk but it isn't nearly as bad as it had been the last few times. My back is aching a very small bit and my hamstring is tight but those I can deal with. Even the right side crest area is in less pain and it feels so nice. I may ask him to do that again on Friday and see if I can keep progressing. I am getting so ready to have this hip done.
Emotionally I am extremely content today. After posting about my needs yesterday I finally got the break I so badly needed and wanted last night. My emotions have been all over the place and I can't really put my finger on why. I don't know if I can blame the medication, the frustration of always being in pain or that I am just messed up sometimes. I can't believe it's been almost 10 months since my original injury. It plays on my mind like it was yesterday and I can't believe I have lived with this degree of pain for so long. I am looking forward to the day I can say I am completely healed and move on with my life. I knew this was going to be a long journey but I had no idea that I would be this messed up!

Needs ...

I was just thinking I need just one good thing to happen in my life ... and soon !!!!! I can't seem to catch a break.

My New Medication !

After a long weekend I can truly say I loved PT this morning. My legs have ached to the point of me making these weird grunting sort of sounds just to walk up the stairs. I was almost in tears after doing laundry and then walking around to get groceries. I am not sure if I am dehydrated or what, but I ate a banana this morning and took some potassium and magnesium. The new time release muscle relaxer is the devil ! I couldn't function at all on it and would find myself falling asleep at my desk. I had to leave my desk and go to my car and take a nap. I speant my lunch break also sleeping in the back of my car. Never again ! Right now I have a water bottle filled and trying to get it down with my coffee. Michael got deep into my Gludeus Minimus this morning and while it hurt like hell (had me almost crying) it feels so good right now. He even did my right side since I have been feeling horrible pain along the crest again. I also did my presses and the balance ball. He said the hamstring didn't feel quite as tight today as it usually does which to me is finally something positive. He has a way with the massages too that really make my muscles relax. It is still mostly the hamstring insertion point that hurts like a (insert expletive here) but I just breath through it and know I will feel much better when he is done. He also had a student in today, Matt, who took over my stretches and he wasn't nearly as rough as Michael is.
I tried the treadmill on Saturday night and that was a huge mistake. I made it 8 minutes before I had to stop. Michael really suggests an elliptical instead due to the motion but I can't afford one right now. Maybe I can sell the treadmill and then put that towards it. I am getting desperate to get this weight gain under control, but I am also coming to terms with it being a normal part of the process, even with the medicine since it is listed as a side effect on both.
Nate is home and extremely ill. Hope my baby feels better and gets over this nasty cough !

Second Appointment

So I just came back from seeing Dr. Erickson. I finally broke down and actually cried. Living in this pain every single day is really starting to get to me. After I was done showing him what motions actually hurt me the most and where I am feeling the pain he believes it may be my adductor that was strained too. The more I read about it the more it really does make sense. I am going to mention this to Michael when I got to PT in the morning.
As I thought, he is going to try and get an MRI scheduled through Workman's Comp but they are pretty hard to get approved. Either way I can now try and do a few stretches and see if I can get any relief. With them messing around with my hip and pelvis today I am finding myself faced with the most horrible backache !

First appointment

I am back from my first appointment today with the Workman's Comp doctor and he isn't really sure what is going on. Since I am seeing Dr. Erickson this afternoon he said we will wait to see what he says and send the referral over to him for my care. He also gave me a new type of muscle relaxer that is time release and supposedly doesn't make you feel tired. I will most likely wait until I get home to try it just in case. I learned the hard way to not always trust them when they say it won't make you sleepy.

Busy doctor day

Today I will be running all over seeing my doctors. I see the Workman's comp doctor at 11:40 and then Dr. Eirckson at 4:30. I am almost looking forward to it.
There has been no improvement in my hip/groin area. I felt it so badly this morning when I sat down and tried to let my knee fall out to put my shoes on. I felt it immediately in my butt and my groin, a very sharp pain that ended when I brought my knee back in. As I sit here typing this now I can feel a burning ache in the lower butt cheek and my ahem ... "lady area". I am so discouraged especially since it now feels like I did prior to the surgery. I can't even begin to imagine what could be hurting since they removed the labrum that was torn and removed the bone spurs. Sure it could definitely be muscle but why does it feel so familiar ? I can't even sit on the floor now without my leg falling asleep within a few minutes.
I have been really easy on my entire body for the last 2 weeks and I am starting to feel weak and fluffy. I feel like my weight is coming back under control but I feel like I am definitely losing my muscle mass. I miss the pool and I definitely miss getting out and running around with the boys. Nate asked me if I could take him to the park last night and I had to tell him no because I was in so much pain. All I wanted to do was lay down, but of course I stood in the kitchen for an hour cooking dinner. I sat in the chair at the dining room table but they are the raised kind and sitting on the edge of one actually hurt !
I really want to swear, scream ... something right now. I am sick of pain and I am most certainly sick of waiting constantly to find out what's wrong with my body ! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH ! There now, I feel a little better.
Emotionally I am confused and hurting like no ones business. I really think there is a link between your emotional and physical states and how it all fits in to your recovery. When I was happy and getting good exercise my recovery was fast and extremely productive. Now that I am sad and not exercising I feel, hmmmm what's a good word .... blah.

Snooooooozefest

I am so tired ! My brain is not willing to function today and my body is not playing nice either. I went to bed at 10:30 last night and didn't crawl out of bed until 8'ish and feel like I slept 20 minutes ! Nate and Brandon are both sick, Nate even stayed home from school with a fever today. I wonder if I am catching something.
My hip and back are aching like they did before my surgery and I am extremely frustrated. Following PT yesterday I could barely walk and the exercises were nearly impossible. I was fine with the lifts but letting it go back down shot pain through my hip and into my groin that eventually after the 4th one I was crying. Michael did pin point the location for my pain and said it was at the insertion point of the hamstring and helped a lot by hitting it with the ultrasound and massaged it pretty good. I think what feels the best for me is when he pulls my ankle to him as I am laying on my back. That minor stretching feels fantastic and relieves so much pressure from my back.
I have stopped taking the muscle relaxers and I am sure that hasn't helped me the last couple of days, but it is seriously affecting me being able to get anything done during the day. I may start taking half of one during the night, I haven't really decided yet. The pain meds are useless lately and I am taking the Lyrica as I normally would without even knowing if they are really working. I feel exhausted either way and just want to crawl back in bed today. With Kevin leaving next week though I really need to stay at work to make sure I can get every bit of knowledge from him to help me transition easier when he leaves. I am so stressed out.

Sore Again

I had PT again this morning and we started using some of the machines. He eventually will have me on the elliptical and said no more treadmill for me, ever ! My body can't handle that motion anymore so he is showing me some great exercises to strengthen not only my hip and thigh but also the muscles that run along my knee for support. We are using no weight right now, just my body and it definitely hurt when doing the lifts and balancing exercises. He thinks I may have hurt something more because I am feeling pain where the exercises shouldn't be causing pain. He did the ultrasound again this morning and a soft tissue massage .. my favorite parts ! I go back to Dr. Erickson for my hip follow-up on Thursday so we will see then, possibly he will order the MRI to take a look.
I am still pretty groggy from the medications and hope eventually to ween myself off of them. I am really sick of being tired and I just want to have some energy. I see Dr. Sorenson for all my retests of the parathyroid next week so hopefully we can move forward with all that too.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz ....

Wow am I tired this morning ! All I can think about is going back to bed. I don't know if it's the muscle relaxers he gave me, but since I started taking them I feel very groggy and disoriented. I had to sneak and take 2 naps in the car on my breaks yesterday ....shhhhhhhh. This is really starting to affect me at work. With Kevin leaving in 2 weeks I really can't afford to miss anything he would be passing off to me before he leaves. I am so stressed trying to figure out how to carry the work of 4 people feeling the way I do.
Today the pain is incredible. I would say it is even almost worse than from before my surgery. The burning is so deep into my butt cheek that it even hurts to rub it now. My hamstring is tight today too and the stretching exercises made me tear up and now my IT Band is throbbing. I am assuming that is from the "massage" it got yesterday. Since this has never been stretched or massaged for that matter I am guessing it isn't very happy with me.
So, back to limping, which I am so sad I am having to do at this stage in my recovery. I was doing so well on my own before this injury and now I see it setting me back at least 2 months while I do PT. I am depressed over it that's for sure. I had the positive vibe going, knowing I was getting better.
Back to square one.

Soft Tissue Massage

Those are my most favorite 3 words in the english language today. I saw Michael this morning at My Physical Therapist and he used the Ultrasound again and then followed up with a soft tissue massage. It felt wonderful ! It did hurt initially and it took quite a while to where it wasn't sore, but man was it nice after he was done. He also massaged my Iliotibial Band (IT Band) which was extremely painful too. He rubbed both sides to show me a comparison of how it was related to my injury and you can definitely tell the difference in tightness. He also rubbed my lower back on the left side because the sciatic nerve runs inside/along the piriformis. It was tender and quite hard to breathe through the pain but once I relax and get into my zone I can usually relax enough to benefit from what he is doing. He showed me a new stretch that I will be trying through the weekend using my pelvic floor, which of course hurt ! The last ones he gave me certainly helped me though and I didn't feel as tight, and he noticed as well. I am sure the muscle relaxer I took earlier that morning probably helped a little too.
After speaking with the doctor this morning they have agreed to let me keep using Michael for my physical therapy since he takes the Workman's Comp insurance. He is close to my house and accomodates my early schedule. You just can't beat that. He is extremely pleasant and treats me like a real person, unlike a lot of places where I am just another claim. Amazing how some of these little hidden charms make their way into your life. I am seeing his assistant again on Friday morning.

It feels like Monday ...

The weekend was soooo long. I got hit with the flu Heather had last week and spent nearly the entire weekend in bed. My body needed the rest but now my hip and thigh are so sore and tight from the inactivity.
I saw the doctor this morning for Workman's comp and he also saw that the strain/pull was my piriformis and hamstring. He prescribed a muscle relaxer to help loosen my hamstring up a little bit, it was extremely tight. He has also ordered physical therapy 3 times a week for 4 weeks and then we will see where we are at. It's not a bad facility but I would much prefer Michael, but I can't because they won't pay for it. I will see him tomorrow for the soft tissue massage and pay the copay out of pocket because this new one can't see me until next Wednesday. The only restriction I have been given is light duty and to be able to change position and walk whenever I feel the need. I already have this ability. I will push again to have these spots marked on the floor since I have already talked to several women who have experienced the same things with heels.
I am feeling super sleepy today and I have no clue why. Maybe too much sleep yesterday. I think I was awake maybe 8 hours total the whole day and then slept all the way through last night. I still feel a little bit hanging on but I am definitely better.

The evil floor pics !

This is the top view. It's kinda hard to see coming from a distance and I swear I hit it a few times before I learned to take the long way lol. It's a concrete floor covered by thin carpeting.



This is a side view. It isn't big by any means but imagine walking in heels and hitting it just right and rolling out with a newly fixed hip ! I almost biffed it this time and hurt myself catching my body falling in the opposite direction of the hip.

PT

After sitting in pain for 2 days I finally called Dr. Erickson and let him know what had happened. They had me come in immediately so he could take a look. He said that from my pain and seeing a small bruise that I in fact have a piriformis and hamstring strain. I could see the concern on his face right away too. I can tell you that this morning it is so tight it feels like my whole thigh is on fire ! He sent me to Michael at My Physical Therapy and he did the initial check of my hamstring and such and then proceeded to do some stretches. I could feel the spasms all the way to my toes. He found me a pair of gym shorts because he didn't want to leave me the whole weekend with just that stretch and then did ultrasound on it. He used the type with the anti-inflammatory because I remember him asking me if I had any allergies.

"This treatment involves the application of a topical anti-inflammatory. The anti-inflammatory medication can be mixed with the ultrasound gel and applied to the area using the probe. The ultrasonic sound waves force the medication to migrate into the tissues reducing inflammation."

It felt so weird. Like little pricklies all over, sliding around. He did place a heat pad of some kind on my lower back right before he started. It didn't hurt at all though so I focused on the conversation we were having at the time. When I got up it felt much better, it felt relaxed. Soon after though I could feel the tightening and he said that was completely normal and it would continue to tighten more. At this point he showed me 3 stretches to do at home. With it being a holiday weekend he can't see me again until Wednesday morning at 7am, but at that time he will start doing a soft tissue massage on the area. My ortho ordered this for 3 times a week for 4 weeks. My only concern is that now my back hurts again. It is now irritated and it had finally started to feel better. The hamstring is super tight today so I am going to try the stretches he showed me and see if I can get any relief. I really thought I was doing great on recovery and thought I was close to healed ... this injury woke me up fast.
My follow-up with Dr. Erickson will be in 2 weeks. Welcome to the world of Workman's Comp headaches !

Ouchie !

Well I finally got to feel some pain since the surgery. There is a separation in the floor at work and I rolled in to it with my heels yesterday. It pulled something and now today it aches so badly. This isn't the first time I did it but normally I am wearing flat soled shoes but I just happened to be wearing my favorite pair of black heels. I did ask them to mark it so I didn't do it again but it's still not today .. and of course rolled again in my boots. Now I need to just walk the long way to the bathroom ! It doesn't feel very swollen but it does feel like I pulled it. I guess I will call tomorrow if I am still feeling pain.
Other than that the day has been uneventful. I am patiently waiting for my results from my 24 collection, which I probably will not get until I see Dr. Sorenson on the 18th. They are doing all of my retests that day too so a few more weeks of waiting around !

Let the sun shine in !

What a beautiful day out today is. The sun is shining and I plan to get my butt outside and do some walking today. My hip feels fantastic. I at first thought I was feeling some pulling but it looks like my back is acting up a little so it's more referred than anything. I have been doing some hefty stretching and can now straighten my leg well up over my head with no problems at all. I am also trying to see how far out and inward I can move it before it hurts a little but I don't see really anything there either except I can't quite get it to rest on the floor yet. I am guessing that is due to not stretching quite enough. I was told that my recovery is more at stage 6 months and not 2 months as we would expect.
I have started eating better so I can get back to my pre-surgery weight at least before we tackle the other hip. I am realistic in knowing that hip is in much worse shape and my recovery may not be so easy. To this point it has been an absolute breeze. I worry about my fellow FAI'ers and can't figure out why my recovery has been so easy when we basically had the same surgeries done. I hope others keep in mind as well that I have been on daily pain therapy and it most likely masks some of the pain I would have felt otherwise and helped me push harder to move my hip more.
I am so worried about all the other test results for myself as well, because if I am not absorbing calcium as I should be it may not be the recovery I think it is ! Now ... time to go have a nice lunch in the grass in the nearby park.

Just another manic Monday

The weekend wasn't too bad actually. I had to do my 24 urine collection for the kidney stones, which was absolutely gross ! I stayed close to home and really just got groceries and BBQ'd on Saturday, which at the time I thought was perfect. Just hanging around watching movies, playing games and cooking some burgers. I did get another migraine on Saturday but it seemed pretty light compared to some I have had before. I went home and rested for the night. I am getting one now and fighting the auras. I need to head out to the car and grab some Maxalt.
I haven't really felt too much pain the last few days with the exception of course of my right pelvic brim. It almost feels like a muscle tear but no one has been able to diagnose it and they keep going around it. I still hope to find something out when I get my arthrogram done.
The new dosage on the Oxycontin is perfect too. I am feeling so much more like myself and not trying to fall asleep everywhere ! I will catch up later with everything but I am off to stop this migraine before it gets too bad !

I just got a call and my blood results are back for some tests. It appears my vitamin D was at 19 and she suggested taking 800-1000 IU's a day to bring my levels up.
From the hyperparathyroid site ..

"Most patients with a parathyroid tumor will have low Vitamin D-25 levels. Those patients with more severe primary hyperparathyroidism (those with larger tumors and those who have had the tumor a longer time) will have higher blood calcium levels, which are associated with lower Vitamin D-25 levels. The lower your Vitamin D-25, the longer you have had hyperparathyroidism and a parathyroid tumor in your neck."
"Now that Vitamin D is easy to measure, many doctors (endocrinologists) will measure Vitamin D levels on all patients with high calcium in the blood. They will also measure the PTH levels... they are trying to prove (correctly) that the high calcium in the body is due to a parathyroid tumor."

So now I am extremely paranoid and wondering what is next ! I will keep up with the doctors and see where they go next. My migraine is starting to go now too since taking the Maxalt.

Parathyroid .. hmmmm

So I went back to Dr. Weinghart for my liver enzyme recheck and got interesting news. He has been working with my Urologist and they believe I may have a problem with my parathyroid, which is causing all of the symptoms I have been seeing. He ordered a new panel of blood work yesterday and I will be completing my 24 urine test this weekend (for kidney stones). Once that has been completed they will be doing a special scan to check my parathyroid. Of course I have no idea what any of this means and my research shows that it may not even be this, even though my blood work shows it may. The only real way to diagnosis it is by checking the calcium level, Vitamin D level and the PTH Hormone level. All of which at this time have been done and come back elevated. I know it would be really nice to finally know what is causing my body to fail on me, but taking stabs in the dark is making me tired ! I have also gained 13 pounds (0.928571 stones) in 2 weeks since starting the Lyrica and Oxycontin. I couldn't believe I was at 156 pounds. I am so scared of gaining all of this weight and not being able to take it off because of my hips.

"Up to 50 per cent of patients with hyperparathyroidism present with symptoms due to kidney stones. A small tumour (adenoma) is usually the cause of hyperparathyroidism. Other causes include chronic kidney (renal) disease or particular medications, such as anticonvulsant drugs. Symptoms of hyperparathyroidism may include:

• Pain in the bones and joints
• Increased susceptibility to bone fractures
• Shrinking height
• Backache
• Muscle aches
• Thirst
• Frequent urination
• Abdominal pain
• Fatigue
• Nausea
• Loss of appetite
• Depression and other personality changes.

I am more confused now more than ever. I am taking Lyrica which is labeled an anticonvulsent drug. I also of course have kidney stones which no one knows why or what type they are, hence the reason for the 24 hour study I am doing this weekend. So many things can cause kidney stones, far too many to even list.I already noted in another update that this all started with a hip fracture but all the other symptoms are so generic ! I also noted in the past updates that my backache was so severe that it was causing me pain at a level I couldn't bare. Again, that can be explained by my Facet Joint Arthritis. They have decided to also check my blood count again since I had another low grade fever, now which I have had for over 6 weeks. It just feels like everyone is guessing at what the problem is and hoping they get lucky.

So now I wait. I am waiting for this round of blood work to come back and hopefully clear things up. It seems to always take so long when you're waiting !